Hey Folks, it's me Brent!
It's been rumored by someone who will remain nameless, that I was recently seen ripping the bark off of the garden tree. Well with this current mood of distrust and slander it has now become obvious that The Old Lady has lost all objectivity to my whole situation. So I will have to tell you what happened myself!
First off, but excuse me I wasn't ripping, I was pruning the tree. The bark was abundant and needed removal, hence me and my teeth were assisting in this procedure. I being "Brent the Boy Boxer", had noted that The Old Lady (I use to refer to her as Ma'am but now she seems to only refer to me as "Naughty Boy" so .......what goes around, comes around Susan!) was on the phone again with one of her "Show Cronies" early this morning.
Granted, I had been fed breakfast at my regular time 5:00 am, thanks to my sister Bebe and her small bladder. Bebe wakes The Old Lady up every morning at 4:45 am to go out. It's amazing what a human is willing to do early in the morning to shut you up and try to go back to bed for a little extra shut eye. So this morning being left to my own devices in the backyard, while The Old Lady was on the phone, I noted that some freshly laid sod and soil were where I had dutifully dug my amazing hole yesterday. A 10 1/2 inch X 10 1/2 inch perfectly symmetrical hole, mind you! Filled in? Who could have done this dastardly deed? I mean how often does one find such artistry in their own backyard?
The hole I had dug was......well gorgeous.....and now this mess?
So of course I removed the sod and dug up the new soil. The hole.......well folks, it's a good one, but does not have the majesty of the one I dug yesterday. But then again how often does perfection come into one's life? I ingested some of the sod in hopes of removing it permanently. It just didn't belong in my hole. But I found the flavor a bit flat with a bitter aftertaste. So I just tossed and spread the rest of the remnants all over the patio. The patio needed a little something-something, you know? It was in my quest for decorating the patio that I became aware of the pretty red, pink and green spheres hanging from the green vines growing out of those silly upside down planters, The Old Lady bought at Home Depot last month. I swear, advertise on TV and she's there with her check book!
Of course I had to stand on my back legs like you humans do to reach them. But reach them I did! Gosh they're fun! You can toss 'em roll 'em and eat 'em. The red ones are more tasty than the green ones. I've heard that they fry the green ones in the southern states. I am so very stunted by The Old Lady. She would never allow me to try cooking!
Well needless to say, I was pretty pleased with myself. If my paw would reach, I would have patted myself on the back. The yard finally looked like REAL DOGS live here!
I decided to round off my morning meal with a little "Treat". The Old Lady doesn't like it when I eat "Treat". She says it's disgusting and makes my breath bad. Like I care what my breath smells like! Teach her to kiss my mug without asking permission first.
Well I had just finished a little "Treat" ("Treat" is a synonym for the word that is the same spelled forward and backwards) No not that word.....Okay.....it's poop! There I've said it. I enjoy a little poop on occasion. It's not like I smoke cigarettes! it's not going to kill me. So get over it Susan!
It was her high pitched, blood curdling scream that first made me aware that The Old Lady was not going to agree with me. She has never appreciated my artistic tastes or endeavors.
And of course it did not help that The Old Man, Jim had just come home early for lunch and found The Old Lady still in her PJ's, frantically sweeping the patio and trying to pretend that "Art" had not just occurred!
I will probably never understand what makes The Old Lady tick. But obviously I have the market on what ticks her off! So here I am in my crate/jail, for heaven knows how long. I have threatened to report her to PETA, but The Old Lady just keeps telling me to "Stop Barking"!
The Old Girl literally does not understand me.
Well folks, that's my story. Young starving artist trying to make a difference in this cruel world being continually squashed by the man/Old Lady.
But not to worry. I'll be back out for more adventures soon. Thanks to Bebe and her small bladder!
Best to you all,
Brent the Boy Boxer
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