Just Ask Brent!

( This letter is from Brent's Sister Lolli )

Dear Just Brent,

It has been a while since I've seen you and I miss you dearly. I am so glad you now have an advice column because dear brother I NEED IT! I don't know what's wrong with me but obviously something is!

You may have heard that I was "skunked" a few months back. Chasing the skunk was an exciting adventure, though very short lived! The skunk sprayed this gosh awful stuff at me that burned my eyes, went up my nose and down my throat making me gag!

My folks were real understanding and of course they thought I had learned my lesson. But you now how it is. The temptation of the pursuit, the zeal of a chase? I just couldn't help myself and dang if it didn't happen again, sprayed in the face!

The second time my folks were NOT very pleased with me. There was no, "Oh poor baby Lolli" or warm baths in the big tub with nice smelling soaps and soft towels. No, not for me! This time Ma'am just stared at me with a look of disgust as she tied me to the fence. She then sprayed me down with cold hose water and lathered me up with dish soap. After rinsing me off I was dried with an old tattered beach towel. That night I had to sleep in the garage by myself! The whole incident was humiliating to say the least!

I would like to say that after the second time I had learned my lesson and am no longer interested in the pursuit of wild life on my property. But dear brother that would be a lie, as I have gone after a opossum and a few of those peanut munching squirrels. Much to the dismay of Ma'am, I have taken out one or two of the slow runners. I don't mean to off any of them, it's just so much fun going after them! What is wrong with me?
Was I just born to be bad?

You Sister,
LOLLI, Boxer Girl , (almost) 2 yrs. old

Dear Sister Lolli,

Born to be bad.....No my dear sister! You are just a free spirited Boxer girl.
But jeepers Lolli, skunked twice in one month? So much for you being the brains of the family! Your folks (i.e.Ma'am) sound more than understanding as you obviously still have your computer privileges. If I was skunked even once The Old Lady, would put me in a permanent time out in the basement for the rest of my life, with only a bit of bread and a little water once a day!

As you might know dear readers, the pursuit of wild life is a time honored tradition in the canine world. Over time as man has domesticated our genus, we have become more open to accepting other species into our immediate environment.

But there is no way that any dog worth their weight in kibble is going to put out the welcome mat for SKUNKS! You obviously have drawn a line in the sand, Sis, and you must continue to stand your ground! What you need to do is make your folks, and particularly Ma'am, appreciate your selfless efforts.

Here is my advice on your skunk dilemma:

1. When you go out in your yard at night make sure your Ma'am is with you. As you track around the yard look over your shoulder occasionally and make eye contact with her having that look on your face of "Guard Dog On Duty". It will inspire her to know that you are there to protect her no matter the cost to your own well being.

2. When you do cross paths with a skunk, pause and take a few steps back toward Ma'am making sure that if and when the little stripped mephitidae decides to unload on you a small whiff will waft it's way toward Ma'am. At this point throw yourself in front of her taking the rest of the odorous anal excretion full on (preferably closing your eyes and mouth at the time). Your Ma'am will feel so guilty that you put her well being over your own safety that she will inevitably consider you her hero for life! Once the stench wears off, she may even allow you to sleep in her bed and even possibly sit next to her at the dinner table offering you table scraps on a regular bases. And of course your Ma'am will soon be bragging to all of her friends about what her brave and trustworthy dog did!

As far as squirrels are concerned, kudos to you for being able to catch one! I've never even come close to catching one. So being ignorant on the subject I ask Benny the Beagle for his advice. Benny said that according to his friend Moose the Bloodhound who lives around the corner, squirrel season does not open until August 15. So you really shouldn't being trying to "bag" one until then. Moose also said that, "Unlike popular misconceptions on the hunting of squirrels, they do not "spoil " if given reasonable care when out in the field. Mainly keeping them out of the sun and out where air flows freely around them will keep them fresh for later." I told Benny to tell Moose thanks for his advice!

Here is my advise to you on squirrels:

1. Do not "bag" one until after August 15th. You might get arrested and as I can attest to, Boxer dogs do not do well behind bars!

2. When you do "bag" one, put it on the porch in the shade where the air flows freely. You can also leave one of the many tasty squirrel recipes found on the "Billy Bob Bill ".com site. Your humans will be very impressed that you are now providing for the family!

3. Try not to "bag" too many too often. Although most humans are carnivores and have been the cause of many a chicken, cow or pig going to meet their maker, they like to think of themselves as humane. So the site of a carnivore acting like a carnivore seems to put them off. The Old Lady has a tizzy fit any time one of us even thinks about chasing a squirrel or a opossum! I know it seems silly dear Sister, but after all they are only human!

Well my best to you,

Your brother,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Need some advise on life? "Just Ask Brent!"

email questions to brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

Just Ask Brent

Dear Just Brent,

I have a problem I hope you can solve. My younger sister likes to play with all of my toys. I don't really mind that she plays with my toys, however I do not appreciate the fact that she slobbers all over them!!!!! When I go to play with them or re-arrange them in the toy box, they taste HORRIBLE! Is there anything I can do to get the foul taste and odor off my toys? She is also very messy and never puts the toys back where she found them! I am trying to keep the peace in our home as I am the eldest and the smartest! But I mean really..........can't one play with one's toys (or others) and maintain some level of civility? Is there no class left in the canine community?

BOGIE, Standard Poodle who is both mature and classy!


Dear Mr. Bogie,

It is obvious that since you are a poodle you probably are a classy, civilized sort of dog. Unfortunately, your sister is obviously not as refined as you! I don't like to judge on breeding alone, but my guess is she is not of French descent. She may even be German like me, which means she likes to play lots and get dirty doing so. You do have my sympathies as Bridget, my neighbor across the street, is a French poodle and she is very refined!

Bridget is also a bit of a breed snob and will only talk to Boxers and Beagles when she is really bored. Which, she was last week when she told me about the French delicacy escargot. When she first told me about the eating of snails on the half shell, I thought she was just pulling my paw. You can imagine my delight when Benny the Beagle substantiated her culinary claim. Well being a canine that is always ready and willing to challenge my palate, I decided to try escargot. Early one morning while taking a leisurely stroll in the back yard I came upon a snail making his way across the garden wall.


I apologetically stated "Sorry about this Old Chap" and promptly scooped him up with my tongue. I immediately realized I had made a mistake as he did not taste buttery with a light garlic finish as Bridget had claimed he would. What he did taste was really horrible, so I tried to swallow him whole. Well this did not work, as for the next 45 minutes Mr. Escargot insisted on continually inching his way back up my throat. After tickling my tonsils one too many times I finally gave in and with a half cough, half sneeze expelled the gastropod back onto the garden wall. As he slowly slithered off I called out "No hard feelings" but he did not even look back. So much for "Bon Appetit" Bridget!

Now then this is my advice to you, Mr. Bogie;

1. Let your sister have all of your old toys. She will think you are really nice and will want to share with you when snacks are handed out.

2. When you get a new toy that you think is cool, hide it! You must only bring it out to play when your sister is sleeping or taking a bath.

3. Do not eat snails even though you are French. In addition, be really glad your sister is not a snail! Believe me your toys would taste way worse if she were a snail and the neighbor dogs would relentlessly tease you about your sister "The Gastropod".

4. As far as the odor and slobbery substance, your sister leaves on toys, I find rinsing my toys in the large porcelain-drinking bowl in the bathroom helps. Just make sure if you leave them in there to soak that your humans don't accidentally flush them away 'cause sometimes the toys will plug up the bowl, which will then over flow onto the floor and your humans will blame you for the mess when all you were doing was trying to practice good personal hygiene!

Do try and be patient as it could be worse. You could have a snooty cousin instead of a slobbery sister!


Best to you,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Need some advice on life? Just Ask Brent!

email all questions to brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

Check in next week for letters from my sisters!

Happy Fourth of July!

Hey Girls It's Me Brent!


You all probably thought I'd fallen off the face of the earth or worse.
But no! It's all The Old Lady's fault. It started in mid June when she complained of a "GI bug" that just wouldn't go away. Well let me tell you I've seen lots of bugs in my life and even had a few fleas, but I never moaned and groaned like that! It lasted for weeks and to make matters worse The Old Girl put me in charge of the pups for "outdoor puppy play" in the afternoons.
She never asked me if I wanted to. She said that "As their older brother it's your responsibility to help out."
Yikes no body asked me if I wanted to be an older brother! And now I had responsibilities?
So for the past few weeks I've been stuck out side every afternoon with four frisky and to be honest not always very well behaved puppies! I have lots to tell so please check back in with me in a few days.
Oh and as far as The Old Lady goes, she is finally feeling better. She is back to her old self and bugging me on a regular bases. I have heard her tell The Old Man that since she "lost a few ponds with her GI bug" she might as well start her summer diet.

Well all I can say is It's about time Susan!

Take Care Girls!

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Brent and the new puppies

(This was originally written by Brent in late April)

Sorry it's so late but "It's hard to get reliable proof readers these days!"

Hey Folks
Yep it's me Brent!

Just a quick note as we are all very busy here with my new brothers and sister puppies.
This morning while The Old Lady was cleaning up the kitchen (At last!) the big dog Doc opened the dog room/prison gate and set us all free. He is very smart and knows all sorts of tricks which if I was ever caught doing would be put in an immediate time out for life! While the big dog Doc and my snooty cousin Sonie ran into the kitchen to suck up to The Old Lady, I went looking for my Mom Biscuit whom I had not seen all week. I was worried! I looked for her in her regular hangouts like the living room couch, The Old Folk's bed and the up stairs bathroom where she likes to pilfer through the bathroom waste basket in hopes of finding a napkin full of cookie crumbs from the Old Man's late night cookie jar raids. But she was no where to be found!
I was about to give up hope when I stuck my head into the downstairs den, where I found her sitting with four very cute puppies that kinda reminded me of fat sausages. I know the next door dog Benny the beagle said they were coming, I just didn't know they were here already!

I was very excited as I asked them, in a cool older brother voice, "Hey guys, how's it going?" The pups just kept their eyes closed and didn't even try to return my salutation. To be honest I 'm afraid that they might be taking after my snooty cousin Sonie.
My mom Biscuit said I needed to keep my voice down so as not to disturb the babies. Since she is my mother and very smart I did as I was told and sat quietly next to my old puppy crib. I soon found watching the puppies rather boring as little puppies don't do a whole lot and seemed perfectly happy to just sleep and sleep and sleep some more. I must admit though, that I did enjoy watching my mom Biscuit. As I sat there staring at my mom's pretty boxer girl face and watching the gentle way she was caring for the new pups, (where they came from I'm not quite sure) I realized how much I had missed her so I leaned my head into the crib and gave her a kiss on her cheek, which I know she loves. That's when The Old Lady entered the room. She immediately let old a dramatic gasp and grabbed me by my collar. "You don't belong in here Brent, get out!" she bellowed. Talk about being too loud!
I looked to my mom Biscuit who just moments before had instructed me to lower my voice, but she had turned her attention back to the new pups and was ignoring both me and The Old Lady. Now I can't be sure, but I'm pretty sure that as The Old Girl dragged me away and closed the den door behind us I heard my mom Biscuit whisper, "I still love you Brent." I guess it really doesn't matter whether she did or not 'cause I know she does!"


Well have a nice morning,


Brent the Boy Boxer Dog