"Just Ask Brent"

Dear Just Brent,

I have a minor dilemma of the utmost importance. First let me clear up a few things so that there is no confusion. I adore my human Margaret/AKA Maggie. She is not only the best human a dog could ask for but she is also my best friend, as she likes to talk to me about everything. However, there lies my problem Mr. Brent, she insists on talking to me as if I am a small child. Since I am a Boston terrier and small in physical stature, this does not reflect my mental capacity. What my Maggie girl doesn't know is that as soon as she falls asleep at night, I squirm my way out of her grip and head straight to the Internet in order to quench my intellectual thirst with as many news sites as my paws can click (and of course a little entertainment, which is where your blog comes in). However, my sweet Maggie continues to insist on dressing me up like a little sailor or a pumpkin or with the change of the season, an elf! I have more than my dashing good looks and the ability to pull off just about any costume she can come up with, it’s just that I would much rather be picking out a financial port folio with her instead of buying the latest Paris Hilton inspired "Canine Cuties" outfit. I don't look "hot", I am hot, as in over heated.
Help! I'm melting in Frustration,
Buttercup, Boston Terrier age 8

Dear Mr. Cup,
With a name like Buttercup I feel your frustration! But wowziers, I've always dreamt of playing dress up at Halloween! It's just The Old Lady is too cheap. I 've imagined myself a pirate (kinda like a Boxer Johnny Depp!) and I would have a really big sword and boots and a long purple sash and I would say things like "Aye-Aye Matie!" I would be an outstanding pirate! My ship would be called "The Sea Biscuit" and I would have a boxer wench at every port, who I would sing to "Boxer wench, you’re a fine girl what a good wife you would be, but my love, my life and my lady is the sea”, and they would all idolize me and think me……amazing! But I digress as this is not about me.....it's about you Buttercup and your frustrations not mine!
I wasn't sure how to take aim at your situation so I conversed with my next door neighbor Benny the Beagle. He was a bumble bee for Halloween two years ago (I thought he looked rather dashing as a fuzzy anthropod!) Benny said that while as a Thespian he enjoyed the challenge of portraying the Bombus Sterestris, he found the stinger to be a bit of a nuisance when trying to sit down. He said he feels that dressing up at Halloween is the patriotic thing to do, so he does not have a problem with it once a year. But he said "Do it more than that?"and I quote, "Hell No!"
I then queried Bridget the Poodle who lives across the street. Bridget loves to play dress up with her human girl Sophie, who is six years old in human years. Every year at Halloween Bridget comes trick-or-treating with Sophie. This year they dressed up in look alike fairy costumes. When I answered the door, with The Old Lady, I tried to pretend I didn't recognize them. But I could tell it was Bridget because her poofy poodle tail was sticking out from underneath her pink wings and she started wagging it when she saw me. Today, when I asked Bridget about wearing costumes she told me that dress up is lots of fun, especially when she and Sophie play princess or bride dog. Bridget also said that while she does get "hot" at times while in costume, she loves the way that her Sophie looks at her when they play. She said "hot" or not and I quote, "It's well worth it!"

So my dear Mr. Cup this is my advice to you:
1. As we interact with our humans we all have to decide what is "Well worth it" and what is a "Hell No!" situation. It's the give and take of our canine/human relationship that makes our daily life what it is. As a mature pooch I encourage you to pick your battles with Maggie. You need to choose what is more important to you, making Miss Maggie happy with dress up or your free time on the Internet. I myself have had to do this at times like when I have chosen to refrain from partaking of "treat" in exchange for, a hopefully blind eye from The Old Lady when I'm taking, a snooze on the couch. While dressing up as a sailor might be uncomfortable at times you might think of it as an opportunity to not only please your Maggie but also catch the eye of a cute Beagle or Schnauzer girl, as I hear they have a thing for sailors!
2. When your Maggie is reading the morning newspaper take the opportunity to guide her to a financial gain either through the chew & tear/clipping of dog food coupons or a paw print on a wise buy in the business section of the paper. She will think you a very clever pup and possibly let you go naked for the day! You know Mr. Cup, we dogs often have to take the lead with our humans in order for them to have a more successful and fulfilling life. Either through a long walk, a fast paced game of fetch or if all else fails a good chew on their favorite shoe it is up to us to make them stop and take a personal inventory of what it is they are doing and where in life they are going. Don't forget that once a human has left their whelping box and moved out on their own they are bound to have moments of frustration or loneliness. It is at these moments that it is our God given duty to intervene. As canines we all know that a lick on the hand or a wag of the tail is our way of saying, "It's going to be okay kid, you can do it"!
Do remember Mr. Cup, whether you be a sailor, a pirate or a bumble bee, you are above all else a Dog! We are a great species who get to share our lives with those crazy kids called "Humans". And as we know, for most of them whether they be a Maggie, a Jeff, a Sandy, a Rachel, a Doug, or even a Susan, it is we who ROCK their world!
So Mr. Cup, keep on Rocking! You can do it!
Best to you,
Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Need some advice on life? Just Ask Brent!

email all questions to brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

Just Ask Brent

Dear Just Brent,

You don’t know me but I’m also a Boxer boy, only my human mom does not let me on the computer much. She’s afraid I will learn of horrible things on the Internet. I have read your blog in the past and you seem to know about lots of things. Here's my situation, I hope you can help. My human Mom has been acting very strange lately, as she allows me to beg from the table which she never use to do and she feeds me delicious home baked chicken sometimes. It all started when we went to see my veterinarian and he told my mom I have cancer (lymphoma). Now I go every week to see the doctor. They are very nice to me at my veterinarian's office and treat me like I am a prince! My human Mom cries a lot after we leave there . I’m not sure why. I don't know if I have done something wrong or if maybe she is afraid of doctors and needles or maybe it is because when we leave the office the nurse gives me a tasty cookie but never offers one to her.

Please let me know what you think,

Winston, a 5 yr. old, Heroic Boy Boxer Dog. Los Angeles, Calif.

Dear Winston,

Thank you for writing in and introducing yourself to me. I am always looking forward to meeting new canine friends through my blog! You seem like a very intelligent dog (and I'm not just saying that as you too are a handsome Boxer dog.....well then again, maybe I am!) I understand your Ma'ams (human Mom) concern with the Internet. There are a lot of ditsy humans out there not to mention those insecure trolls who misuse the Internet to promote their own human inadequacies. A dog would never dream of spreading such mindless muck nor waste their time in doing so. Not when one can be outdoors playing chase while enjoying the sweet smell of fresh cut grass and the feeling of the sun on your bum. Now that's knowing how to use your time wisely!

When I first read about you and Cancer I thought you were talking about your astrological sign, Cancer the Crab! Which would mean that you are Emotional and loving, Intuitive and imaginative, Shrewd and cautious, Protective and sympathetic. I on the other hand, am a Virgo the Virgin. Which means I am Modest and shy, Meticulous and reliable, Practical and diligent, Intelligent and analytical. After re-reading your email I realized my obvious faux pas but would still probably guess that you are the intuitive, loving Crab and since I am a virgin, (which my snooty cousin Sonie has informed me, I will be till the day I die) I am most certainly a Virgo.

I must admit I was dismayed when I looked up what a Lymphoma is, but also encouraged at the same time. I learned that Lymphoma is one of the most common cancers (not the astrological Crab kind) seen in dogs. The Golden Retriever is especially susceptible to developing lymphoma. Breeds that are also commonly affected include Boxer, Scottish Terrier, Basset Hound, Airedale Terrier, Chow Chow,German Shepherd, Poodle , St. Bernard, Bulldog, Beagle, and Rottweiler. I'm glad that your Ma'am has chosen to do chemotherapy because I also read that, if a dog tolerates chemotherapy (and fortunately most dogs do) their quality of life can be quite good during the treatment period. Treatment for lymphoma in the dog is considered one of the more successful cancer treatments and can often be performed by a local veterinarian without the need to travel long distances to veterinary schools or specialty clinics (Darn, there goes your chance to go to Paris for treatment and meet a lot of "hot" french poodle girls!). It helps to remember that one year can equate to almost 10% of a dog's expected life span, therefore, the increased life expectancy with lymphoma treatment is often well worth it as I am sure it will be worth it for you Winston.

But as all canines know whether our lives are long or short we dogs enjoy a much better life style than do most humans. We sleep in, in the mornings, (a lot of us in our humans beds) and enjoy our meals without ever having to lift a paw. Our humans like to fuss over us and talk silly baby talk to us. They remember our birthdays and we celebrate their holidays with them. The fact is that we owe a lot to our humans as they do plenty for us. (Well maybe not so much The Old Lady as she does have me spending quite a bit of time in a "time out" in my crate when ever I get caught being "too" creative!) But best of all we canines don't have to waste our time worrying, 'cause our humans do plenty of that for us!

I do believe that your problem is that your human Ma'am is one of those lovey, worrier kinds of Ma'ams. She loves you so she worries about you! So this is my advice to you Mr. Winston:

1. Make sure that when you are leaving your veterinarians office that your Ma'am is offered a cookie. This will alleviate any feelings of favoritism between you and your Ma'am. But if she doesn't care for the crunchy biscuit I encourage you to also refuse one. This will give her a feeling that you are a real team and can face anything together! Then when you are back in the car, give her that look that says "Gee, I could really do with a Baskin Robbins cone right now." Your Ma'am will want to be supportive of her team mate and immediately take you for a scoop! I encourage a choice of "Very Berry Strawberry Ice Cream". It's really good for you as Strawberries are rich in Vitamin C which is good for the immune system, it's also a good source of manganese, omega 3, B5, B6 and vitamin K. Then there is the ice cream which is packed full of calcium which keeps our bones healthy and for your Ma'am helps control blood pressure and puts a damper on those PMS moments!

2. When your Ma'am is having a sad time ('cause she's worrying about you) give her a lick on her hand and then take her for a walk. As I have stated before, humans need lots of exercise.
Exercise causes a release of endorphins which can create a feeling of calm. As canines we all know that if humans would only worry less and spend more time chewing on a good bone, digging in the garden or chasing a butterfly, a frog, another dog or even their own tail, they would experience more tranquility in their daily lives.

3. Allow your Ma'am to pamper you! It will be help her to be in the moment. Humans are always measuring time with their calendars,their wall clocks and their wrist watches. They live for the future and love to talk about the past. We canines are fortunate enough to live in the moment. We enjoy the here and now! So any time your girl wants to give you a treat from the table smile and give a look that says "Way to go Ma'am!" When she takes the time to cook something special for you show your appreciation by letting her give you a back rub. This will let her know that at this moment in time you know what it is to be the luckiest dog ever!

Do take Care Dear Winston and continue to enjoy each moment, as only a dog knows how!

Best to you,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

......And God created Man and Woman and was pleased.....but he knew they would need a special companion, one who would be at their side to help protect and guide them......and so God created a special being and he looked at his new creation and was touched by how much it loved the humans and how it wanted to be with them at all times whether good or bad......and God said to this new creation "I shall call you Dog.........because it is you above all others that reflects what is in my heart." -Brent the Boy Boxer Dog 2010

Need some advice on life? Just Ask Brent!

email all questions to brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

Brent and the Ark

Hey Girls it's me Brent!

Well the rains are upon us once again and once again I am haunted by the memory of the Spring flooding of 2010! Because of the horrific images that come to mind when I speak of the floods, I have not done so in the past. But now I feel I must attempt to, in hopes of creating a cathartic cleansing of my cognitive memory. (I really have no idea what I just said, but I think it looks really good in print!)
It all started out on a cold rainy night, as do most frightful events in ones life. We had all had our teeth brushed, with some gritty,"minty" toothpaste that The Old Lady had picked up at the 99 cent store. The Old Girl then gave us a quick brush/rub down and secured/locked us away in our crates/jails. The sound of the rain against the window pane made me sleepy, but it also made me wish I had peed my last time outside, instead of playing chase with my snooty cousin Sonie. Drat that girl for having kidneys like a spinfex hopping mouse!
I thought about calling out to The Old Lady and request to be "let out" one more time, but I could hear the opening theme song for "Golden Girls" coming from the den (I mean really, how many times can one woman watch a re-run?) and knew her answer to my request would only be to "Stop barking!" So I positioned/balanced myself on my back and was soon in the depths of blissful REM. I was in the middle of my favorite dream, the one where I am chasing "The Ginger Snap Girl" on the beach, when I first noticed the wetness. I sat up with a start, thinking that I had relieved myself, on myself. But the realization of the true situation was far scarier! The rain had increased during my sleep and was now flooding into our room from underneath the door to the backyard patio . Visions of tsunamis and drowning crowded my mind! "Holy Muskatel" I shouted," We're all going to die!"
The big dog Doc was the first one to tell me to "shut up!" He was sleeping on his side facing away from the on coming waters and didn't appear at all concerned. I turned to my Mom Biscuit but she was snoring and had that Mom look on her face of "Hell no, don't wake me up!"I stood up and looked over to my snooty cousin Sonie who was now awake and giving me the stink eye for disturbing her "beauty sleep". I ignored her reproachful look and asked "Do you think we should warn The Old Lady about the possibility of our impending demise?"
"Oh Brent, your so overly dramatic. It's just a little water and no, I don't think you should wake up Susan. Goodness knows she needs her beauty sleep. Now turn over and go back to sleep!" Oh great, now the Queen of canine drama was calling me overly dramatic! But, she did have a point, The Old Lady definitely needs all of the beauty sleep she can get! I turned over in my crate/jail and dozed on and off for the next few hours with one eye opened. It was about 4 o'clock in the morning when I was awakened by the sound of water lapping against the bottom pan of my crate/jail. I sat up and was about to scream out "Every dog for himself," when I noted that the others were all fast asleep and in no apparent distress over our current circumstance.

Fearing further ridicule from my snooty cousin Sonie or worst yet, vexing the big dog Doc. I said nothing and sat in the corner of my crate/jail, contemplating my soon to be exit from this world and trying to embrace the fact that it was to be my destiny to die too young and unpublished. I was well into my grief and pity when I thought about my Mom Biscuit sleeping quietly in her crate/jail unaware of the danger that was rising around us. Looking at the rise and fall of her chest as she softly snored in her blissful sleep, I realized that it was up to me to save her from this pending doom! So I made a decision to ignore my own safety and dive into the murky depths of the flooding waters to rescue the one who is responsible for my very being!
The rain continued to fall as I began to dig at the bottom pan of my crate/jail. I dug with a fury of self realization that I was now a dog on a mission to save his Mom! I must have dug for hours but at last I had successfully pushed the bottom pan of my crate/jail all the way out. Unfortunately it was then that I realized that my crate/jail has a wire bottom under the pan making it impossible to "dig one's way out." Curses, foiled! I also noted that without the pan in place, me and my crate/jail were now paw deep in water and it was cold water at that!
I must be truthful and admit that I began to sniffle a bit at this juncture of my rescue operation. I did not know what to do. My crate/jail blanket which had at one time been warm and fluffy was now a wet soggy pile in the corner of my crate/jail. I looked at the big dog Doc, my Mom Biscuit and my snooty cousin Sonie, all of whom were still sleeping soundly in their warm dry crates and suddenly I felt very sad and very alone. I hung my head in defeat, well aware that I wasn't in any position to rescue anybody. What was a poor canine boy to do? With the rising water I thought, the only thing that would save us now was an Ark. Yes, that's what we needed an Ark! That would solve our dilemma! I quickly decided I could pray for an ark! I knew how to do it as I often hear The Old Lady crying out to the "Big Guy." Like when she found me in her garden with a freshly picked egg plant, dangling from my mouth, and cried out, "Dear God! What are you doing Brent?"
But to whom should I address my request? With a Methodist mother and a Jewish father (yes, I am of mixed breeding and yes dogs do follow the faith of their breeders.....it just makes it easier that way) I wasn't sure which side to call upon . I closed my eyes and cleared my head (which for me is really easy to do!) allowing any presence who wanted to intervene spiritually to do so.....ASAP! After a few minutes of cerebral silence I opened my eyes and calmly asked out loud "Dear God, be you Jewish, Methodist, or Buddhist please help me!" It was at that very moment that I saw a soft glow coming from under the doorway leading into the house. As the door opened the light got much brighter. It was shining directly into my eyes and I was gripped with fear as I called out, "Oh dear God, if you have to take someone......... .. please take my snooty cousin Sonie. Please don't take me or my Mom Biscuit!" Then a voice from within the light said, "Brent, what in the hell have you done?" Well I was rather pleased and instantly perplexed at the same time, for God not only knew me by name but his voice sounded somewhat familiar. Although I must admit I was very surprised that he cursed, and he continued to curse as he entered the room. When he approached my crate/jail I thought I recognized his green terry cloth robe, but it was when he let out a shrill scream as the flood water saturated his house slippers that I realized it wasn't "God" at all, it was just The Old Lady with a flash light in her hand coming to see what my "barking" was about. To be honest, I was never so happy to see The Old Girl as at that moment. Of course she carried on and moaned and groaned as she moved our crates/jails into the living room. It took her most of the day to clean up the water and I must admit I did enjoy watching her through the window as she filled sand bags in the rain and placed them in front of the door to the backyard trying to divert the flooding.

Thinking about it, I don't know how I could have confused The Old Lady with "God". But I do know my prayers were answered. The floods were diverted and me and my Mom did not drown. The next day when the rain stopped and the sun came out, The Old Lady let us out to play in the backyard. It was great to be out and free once again. I met up with Benny the Beagle at the fence and told him of my terrifying experience. Benny said he was very familiar with the story of "Noah and the Ark". Last summer he had been in an re-enactment of the story of the Ark at his humans vacation bible school. Benny said he was quite believable in his portrayal of a yak, but that Louie the German Shepherd, who was suppose to be portraying an elephant, was not so good, as he chewed off his trunk before he even got on stage. Benny also told me about Noah and the rainbow and how I should look for one to see if I had indeed experienced a heavenly intervention. After looking up into the skies for more than an hour all I noted was that, if you stare at the sun too long you will see spots and get a really bad headache! I never saw the red, orange, yellow, green, indigo blue or violet in the sky that make up the optical phenomenon. So I gave up on the idea and decided to play chase with my snooty cousin Sonie.
Later as we were lying around on the grass, I felt an overwhelming feeling of joy at just being alive so I jumped up and did a few laps around the yard (That's what we dogs do when we feel joyful!). As I ran I noted how blue the sky was in contrast to the greenness of the grass and how my Mom Biscuit's coat looked especially shiny and red in the bright yellow sunlight and as I paused to take a sniff and a munch at The Old Lady's lilac bush, I stopped and reflected that in life, with it's ups and downs and occasional very frightful moments, there really are lots of rainbows, sometimes we just need to look for them!
Well girls, I hope it's sunny where you're at today.
Best to you,
Brent the boy Boxer Dog

Need some advice on life? Just Ask Brent!

email all questions to brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com