"Just Ask Brent"

Dear Just Brent,

Your column has been very helpful in the past and I am hoping you can help me now. I have a household of wonderful Boxers who I love dearly, but I often have a problem (as have other owners I know) with my dogs refusing to come in when called. I used to be able to get them to follow the command when I called out “cookie, cookie, cookie” (which I would have in hand and gave to them when they came). Now, they will stop and look at me in defiance as if to say, “I’m not falling for that trick, 'cause you want to put me in the crate, or make me go outside, or make me come inside" (or whatever else I want them to do). What do you recommend I do to get them to come when I call them? Please help me with my divas.

Miss Bonnie, Proud owner/breeder/lover of gorgeous Boxers!

Dear Miss Bonnie,

This is so cool as you are only my second human to write in. This shows me that you obviously have an above average IQ. Unfortunately, I think that your smartness might have rubbed off on your dogs! Either that or your choice of cookies are of questionable quality and/or flavor! I hope you are not offering Animal Cookies! While it is true that their frosting is both festive and flavorful, I myself find it a bit cannibalistic to consume them. One time Bridget the Poodle, who lives across the street, had taken a pink frosted rhinoceros animal cookie and buried it in her toy box. When she found it eight months later, it had not aged at all! The rhinoceros was still bright pink and festive. She had offered it to me, but I said "No thank you! I'm no cannibal!" But Benny the Beagle said he did not have a problem eating a rhinoceros and took it down in a munch and a gulp. Verdict? Still flavorful and crunchy, according to Benny the Beagle.

So my Dear Miss Bonnie here is my advice to you,

1.Only buy really good cookies. As I have revealed in the past, my very favorite cookies are the Ginger Snaps from Trader Joe's. Do not low ball your canine family with a discounted store brand or even worse do not under any circumstances call "Cookies, Cookies" unless you really have some in your hand and are ready to reward those who believe in your words and come running. If you do try to low ball your canine family and make empty promises they will think you are a politician and possibly try to bite your leg when you approach them!

2. Have a Boxer family meeting. (The Old Lady loves doing these!) Gather your Boxers together in a circle with you sitting cross legged in the middle.With a tear in your voice say "I don't know where I went wrong? Heaven knows I try. But do I get any support from you guys?" When you say this last line try and make eye contact with each of your non "Cookie" responders. Then let out a big sigh and look very disappointed while you slowly shake your head from side to side. This will make your non "Cookie" responders feel very guilty and want to change their ways!

3. If all else fails buy a goat! Preferably a Nigerian Dwarf goat as they are very friendly and cute! I know this as Moose the Bloodhound who lives around the corner met one at his cousin's house. Moose said that goats will eat just about anything (maybe not "Treat" but just about anything else!) And how clever is it that they come to you already named? I would encourage you to pick a Nanny goat and not a Billy goat because even though the Billy's smell is delightful, they can be really bossy, much like my cousin Sonie! Believe me, the arrival of your new goat will put your non " Cookie" responders on Notice! Just imagine yourself at your backdoor calling out "Nanette cookies!" (You will probably want to call your goat Nanette in front of your Boxers as this will impress them that she has a "Show Girl" name. As your goat eats the cookies in front of the non responders, say things like "Good goat," and "Oh Nanette you are my special girl" as you look into her horizontal pupiled eyes. (Do not stare into your goats eyes too long as she might try to hypnotize you! Moose says goats can do that but Benny says, " No way." I say better safe than sorry!) If you say these things in front of your Boxers, they will be very jealous and fearful that if they don't behave and come when called, they might just soon be replaced by this friendly, cute caprine!

My Best to you,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Need some advice on life? " Just Ask Brent"

email your questions to Brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

or Bigdane220@yahoo.com

Brent and the Vicker

Hey Girls It's Me Brent!
Man oh man! What a day I had today. Let me tell you girls, it is one that I will not soon forget!
Early this morning there was a terrible commotion at the back fence. In the alley behind our yard there was a strange dog barking and carrying on. Of course all of the neighborhood dogs were at full attention and the big dog Doc was in commando mode with my snooty cousin Sonie right behind him. I couldn't see what was causing all the fuss so I added my support by barking and looking "tough" as I charged the fence. When I got close enough to see through the Oleander hedge, I caught site of a small scruffy dog who was all alone. He was doing his best to look fierce, but even I could tell he was more than a little intimidated by all of the name calling and dog verbiage being thrown his way. The Old Lady soon put an end to all of the ruckus by calling us into the house for "Cookies".

Now when I hear the word "Cookie "I make a bee line for the back door, to be out run only by my Mom Biscuit. The big dog Doc and my snooty cousin Sonie aren't quite as cookie motivated as me and my Mom. Sometimes The Old Lady has to go out into the yard and demand that they come back inside immediately. I always get a good chuckle when she is still in her PJ's when she does this, as she is quite the site!
After we were all settled back into our crates/jails and finally given a cookie, I asked the big dog Doc what was up with the small scruffy dog at our fence. The big dog Doc said the small scruffy dog was some stray who had no business hanging around his backyard fence! By his tone I could tell he was still miffed about the whole incident so I turned to my snooty cousin Sonie for further questioning.

"Hey Princess Champion, what was that small scruffy dog doing all alone in the alley way", I queried. Ever since my snooty cousin Sonie became a champion, she makes me call her "Princess Champion". I don't like calling her "Princess Champion", but if I just call her Sonie, she won't answer me and will then refuse to play with me in the backyard. My Mom Biscuit says it's just a phase she's going through and that she will soon answer to Sonie again. But I'm not so sure 'cause it's been over six months now and she's still referring to herself as "The Princess Champion"!
"It's true dear cousin Brent, that poor misfortunate creature at our back gate was a stray mongrel. (Did I also mention, that she is also now a Champion Drama Diva?) That pathetic little tyke has no home to go home too". With that the "Champion Princess of Drama" let one lone tear roll down her brindled furry cheek as she let out a theatrical sigh and then stretched out to take a nap. She then mumbled something about needing her beauty sleep and with a yawn closed her eyes. I was about to say something doggily rude, about her obvious need for beauty sleep, but decided to cut my losses and go to the source of truth, my Mom Biscuit!

"So Mom", I asked, "What happened to that mongrel's family?" My mom immediately chastised me for using the word mongrel stating that, "Underneath our fur, we are all the same dog." Hanging my head to "appear" shameful, I apologized and questioned in a more polite canine manner why it was that the little dog did not have a home.
"Unfortunately Brent, that little dog's humans no longer want him to be a part of their family."
"But I don't understand Mom, why didn't they find him a new home, like my sister Bebe has?"
"Oh Brent, your sister Bebe moved to a new home because it was her time to have her own family to care for. Unfortunately, there are some humans who are not very kind and will abandon their canine family member without regard to their safety or future."

Well needless to say I was dumbfounded. How could a human not be concerned about their dog's safety and future? I mean The Old Lady definitely gets under my epidermis, but at least she always feeds me! The Old Girl even brushes my teeth and washes my face at night. Not that I really enjoy all that feather fuss! I prefer to smell like a real dog with real dog breath, not like a mint julep!
"So Mom, you're saying there are people out there who treat their dog family members meaner than The Old Lady treats me?" Now I don't know if I've mentioned it before but my Mom Biscuit considers The Old Lady one of her best friends. Why? I don't know, but she does!
"Brent, you know I don't like it, when you call Susan, " The Old Lady." As far as dogs go we are treated better than most. Susan tries very hard to keep us healthy and happy."
"Yeah right!" I answered in a most snide tone. The words were out of my mouth and into my Mom's ears just as I realized I had actually said them out loud. Dang! I'm dead I thought to myself. I didn't know where to look as I was sure my Mom Biscuit had one of those Killer, Mad Mom Looks on her face. When I finally did look her way, her expression was one of sadness more than anything else. "Oh my dear Brent, you are so young. Sit down in your crate it's time I told you about the ways of the world outside of our yard." She then proceeded to tell me about a human monster called "The Vicker" (AKA Michael Vick).
"Outside of our yard and beyond there is a world of terrifying creatures who prey on weak and defenseless animals. Though they are humans, they act more like subhuman demons who enjoy inflicting pain and watching the suffering of animals. These demon creatures cause beautiful dogs, whose only desire is to please their master, to fight and tear at one another resulting in bloodshed and agony. And as if that was not enough the subhuman creatures themselves inflict great pain and suffering on those poor dogs who have not won the fight. These despicable creatures care nothing about the cost of canine life only about their lust for fighting and mayhem."

"But don't they know that dogs don't like to fight! We are pack animals we are suppose to protect each other for the good of the pack. (Even I was impressed with my comment! My time spent with The Old Lady watching Animal Planet had payed off at last!)
"These monsters, do not even care that dogs being a very social species, will love a human that is shunned by other humans!"
Now I know my Mom Biscuit, is very smart and has been on the show circuit as a young dog, but I could not imagine where she would have been exposed to such gruesomeness!
"How do you know these things?" I asked in a hushed whisper.
"Well" she said," I was searching through the bathroom trash in hopes of finding a napkin, full of cookie crumbs, left behind by Jim (AKA The Old Man) after one of his midnight cookie jar raids, when I spied the Daily News sports page lying on the floor next to the large porcelain drinking bowl. I was hoping to see who had won in the fifth race at Santa Anita, (With a name like "Biscuit"My Mom is quite the racing enthusiast. Don't even get her started on Zenyatta!) when I came upon an article about this athlete who hated and viciously mistreated his dogs and made them fight for money!"


I was speechless! How could there be a human like that? "Oh no!" I cried. "What did they do to him for such dastardly behavior towards our aniamlian totem?"
"They put him in prison for a short time and then ........they let him go."
"They let him go? But how could they? If a dog were to do any of those deeds he would be put to death! If they let this demon go, where is he now?" I asked fearing that this monster might come for me! My Mom Biscuit dropped her head and said in a sad whisper "There are many subhumans who care very little about what happens to dogs my sweet Brentenious." The Monster Vicker", is playing football once again while many subhumans cheer him on, and others pay him millions of human dollars to do so." I sat quietly in my crate/jail for a few minutes pondering what my Mom Biscuit had divulged to me. Real live Monsters outside of my yard, who don't care about their canine friends! Pain and suffering inflicted on dogs for sport? What kind of humans are these? At that moment my life with The Old Lady and my snooty cousin, "The Princess Champion", didn't seem so bad. But then, I thought about my sister Bebe and the great life she is having with her humans who I know protect her from any monsters. "Mom," I asked,"When will I be ready to have my own family to care for like my sister Bebe does?"
"Someday Brent, when you are a little older, I am sure there will be a special, no a very special person or family that will be just right for you! But until then, you're my boy!"
It was at that moment that The Old Lady came in to release us from our crate/jails. The big dog Doc was the first one out followed by "The Princess Champion." As The Old Lady, bent down to open my Mom Biscuit's crate/jail, I saw a flicker of a smile cross my Mom's face as she looked up at The Old Girl, still in her PJ's ,with her hair a mess. As she bent down to pat my Mom Biscuit, The Old Lady asked, "How's my girl doing?" My Mom started the "I love you no matter what wiggle," which truly delighted The Old Lady. I looked at the two of them and it occurred to me that my Mom loves The Old Girl in much the same way as I love my Mom! Which is a whole lot! So I deciphered that being my Mom's boy is okay for right now.
But someday I hope to have my own family like my sister Bebe does. I know I will love them and take good care of them. And of course they will love me and and want to protect me from The Monsters that are outside of my yard. I think they will also want to give me lots of cookies when I am good.......or maybe just because they love me! And because they are a good family they will never ever want to brush my teeth!

So Girls, until then I guess I will just have to put up with The Old Lady!


Best to you,
Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

"Just Ask Brent"

Dear Just Brent,

I am writing for my cousin as she is too shy to write to you. My cousin "Lily", a wonderful gal, has a new friend, "Else" who is both sweet and beautiful. Else was found a few years ago running loose on the streets of Los Angeles, so who knows what's in her background. Lily and Else get together three times a week for play time. They really look forward to those times. However there is a big problem! Every time Else comes over to play, Else's does her business in Lily's bedroom!!! No lie! To top it off, Else acts like she has done nothing wrong! So my dear Brent, what to do?? I will impart any suggestions you may have to my cousin.

Fred the Schnauzer 6 yrs. of age

Toluca Lake, Ca

Dear Fred,

Wowziers! Else was found wandering the streets of Los Angeles? Man I have never even been to L.A. much less allowed to wander about with out The Old Lady hovering/smothering over me! You do not say what part of L.A. Else was found so I am not so sure that her doing her business is not just a localized custom that she is performing when visiting her new friend. I know that the Shih Tzu feels very comfortable about leaving behind a bit of themselves when visiting someones home. I know this as there is a Shih Tzu named Ernie who lives two doors down from me. He is a real friendly guy who likes to visit my neighbor Benny the Beagle on a regular bases. Just last week at the backyard fence, Benny and I were having a rousing discussion on the consumption of "treat". Benny said that while he considers himself a liberal about most things, "treat" was beyond his reasoning! Ernie the Shih Tzu, who had stopped by to shoot the breeze, said he didn't mind "treat" but instead of taking it for himself preferred leaving it behind as a token of his esteem for his host. I had not heard of this custom before and was instantly impressed that Ernie had such a Continental way about himself! Boy, you learn something new everyday!

So my dear Fred this is my advice for your cousin,

1. When Else comes to visit say Halló Else og velkomin. This means "Hello Else and welcome" in Icelandic. (I'm thinking that with a name like Else she must be Icelandic!) Your speaking Icelandic will impress her and she will want to listen to what you have to say.

2. If Else does do her business in your room act surprised. Then casually mention that unlike in L.A./Iceland this custom is not pleasing to the host and that the backyard is the preferred area for doing business. Direct Else to the backyard facilities where, after she has done her business, you should have a robust game of chase. Make sure you let her win as this will let her know that there are no hard feelings concerning her previous social faux pas.

3. When Else no longer does this L.A./Icelandic ritual, show her your appreciation, by preparing a few traditional dishes, from her Icelandic homeland such as skyr, cured ram scrota, hakarl, sharks head which is left buried under ground for several months to ferment and blood pudding. These culinary delights will make Else feel right at home and she will treasure your friendship forever!

And if all "else" fails Dear Fred, tell Lily to KEEP HER DOOR CLOSED when Else visits!

My Best to You,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Need some advice on life? " Just Ask Brent"

email your questions to Brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

or Bigdane220@yahoo.com