Dear Just Brent,
I enjoy reading your column and I hope you will be able to help me but I'm not sure if you can. You see, I am a cat with a big cat problem! My owner is an actor who recently moved in with his girlfriend and took both me and my brother Stewy with him . Now we all live in a very nice condo. As you might know cats love condos. There are stairs to run up and down on and lots of fun places to hide.
I enjoy reading your column and I hope you will be able to help me but I'm not sure if you can. You see, I am a cat with a big cat problem! My owner is an actor who recently moved in with his girlfriend and took both me and my brother Stewy with him . Now we all live in a very nice condo. As you might know cats love condos. There are stairs to run up and down on and lots of fun places to hide.
The girlfriend is very pretty and seems to like me and Stewy. Our problem is that she is insisting that our litter box must go and we must learn to use the toilet! Our toilet training has been going on for about a month now and I am comfortable with the whole thing. Unfortunately my brother Stewy is not! He prefers to use the big human wash tub in the bathroom which really upsets the pretty girlfriend. Stewy says that jumping up on a bowl of water is just too scary, 'cause once something falls into that bowl it is flushed away never to be seen again!
The pretty girlfriend, who is also an actor, is out of town on tour right now. She will be gone for 2 months and when she comes back the litter box is to be gone and Stewy and I must be toilet trained or else! I'm really worried about my brother Stewy as he continues to have a fear of being flushed away! What are we to do?
Sincerely,
Bobby Boy Cat, age 8 years
Dear BBC,
Wow! I didn't even know that cats could read much less write! Excuse my ignorance as we do not have a house cat where I live. The Old Lady says it's much too dangerous as the big dog Doc has an "unfortunate history" of playing too rough with neighborhood stray cats. Your litter box problem though is not an uncommon one according to my neighbor Benny the Beagle. At his house they have 2 indoor cats. His cats use a litter box which according to Benny can be a delightful snack bar at times but also an odorous disaster at others.
Sincerely,
Bobby Boy Cat, age 8 years
Dear BBC,
Wow! I didn't even know that cats could read much less write! Excuse my ignorance as we do not have a house cat where I live. The Old Lady says it's much too dangerous as the big dog Doc has an "unfortunate history" of playing too rough with neighborhood stray cats. Your litter box problem though is not an uncommon one according to my neighbor Benny the Beagle. At his house they have 2 indoor cats. His cats use a litter box which according to Benny can be a delightful snack bar at times but also an odorous disaster at others.
Benny was very intrigued that your humans are trying to "toilet train" you. I myself continue to wonder why it is that humans want to use the big porcelain drinking bowel to do their "duty" in, when there are plenty of trees outside! But as as an investigative journalist I must put aside my own prejudices in order to assist my readers! Benny filled me in on a few of the peculiarities that you felines share, as he is an authority having 2 of you at home.
- Cats are very moody and like to act snooty like my cousin Sonie. (Benny says he is pretty sure that they think they are better than dogs, if you can believe that!)
- Cats like to chase stuff, like birds and lizards and crickets and small rodents. (Well who the heck doesn't?)
- Cats like to play in paper bags and bat around pieces of paper, feathers and dust bunnies.
(This sounds dumb and I think that Benny is just pulling my paw.)
- Cats like to sleep, during the day, undisturbed for hours on the bed or a soft chair and when they wake up they like to jump up on the kitchen counter and look for left overs. (I guess they are not so dumb after all!)
- Cats will scratch your nose and hiss at you if you tell them that they have bad breath. (Unfortunately, I personally know this one to be true!)
Now that I have this list, I feel like an authority on cats!
So here is my feline advice to you !
1. Give Stewy lots of encouragement when he tries to jump up on the toilet. Say things like "You can do it Big Guy!" and "Way to go Stewmister". These cool nicknames will help build his confidence and make him want to try harder!
2. If he is successful while on the pot, give him a reward like a small toy or a grass hopper. Tell him "Well done, Stewsters" But refrain from patting him on the back when he is poised on the toilet seat as you might knock him in.
3. If he is overcome with fear and is refusing to jump up on the toilet, try to reason with him and in a calm voice say "Stewy your a cat, you have nine lives. If you fall in and get flushed you still have eight left!"
4. If all else fails get a dog! Benny swears that most dogs like "cat treat". Some dogs have even been heard to say it's better than candy or truffles!
I hope my advice will help you "cats" out. An actor who makes enough money to feed you ,with a pretty girlfriend and a new condo sounds like a fine life to me!
Best to you,
Brent the Boy Boxer Dog
- Cats are very moody and like to act snooty like my cousin Sonie. (Benny says he is pretty sure that they think they are better than dogs, if you can believe that!)
- Cats like to chase stuff, like birds and lizards and crickets and small rodents. (Well who the heck doesn't?)
- Cats like to play in paper bags and bat around pieces of paper, feathers and dust bunnies.
(This sounds dumb and I think that Benny is just pulling my paw.)
- Cats like to sleep, during the day, undisturbed for hours on the bed or a soft chair and when they wake up they like to jump up on the kitchen counter and look for left overs. (I guess they are not so dumb after all!)
- Cats will scratch your nose and hiss at you if you tell them that they have bad breath. (Unfortunately, I personally know this one to be true!)
Now that I have this list, I feel like an authority on cats!
So here is my feline advice to you !
1. Give Stewy lots of encouragement when he tries to jump up on the toilet. Say things like "You can do it Big Guy!" and "Way to go Stewmister". These cool nicknames will help build his confidence and make him want to try harder!
2. If he is successful while on the pot, give him a reward like a small toy or a grass hopper. Tell him "Well done, Stewsters" But refrain from patting him on the back when he is poised on the toilet seat as you might knock him in.
3. If he is overcome with fear and is refusing to jump up on the toilet, try to reason with him and in a calm voice say "Stewy your a cat, you have nine lives. If you fall in and get flushed you still have eight left!"
4. If all else fails get a dog! Benny swears that most dogs like "cat treat". Some dogs have even been heard to say it's better than candy or truffles!
I hope my advice will help you "cats" out. An actor who makes enough money to feed you ,with a pretty girlfriend and a new condo sounds like a fine life to me!
Best to you,
Brent the Boy Boxer Dog
Dear Readers,
I need your assistance!
Please if you are reading this, take a moment and write in with a question.
I am here to help! But I need to know your needs in order to do so!
Thanks,
Brent the Boy Boxer Dog
Need some advice on life? " Just Ask Brent"
email your questions to Brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment