Dear Just Brent,
I am writing for my cousin as she is too shy to write to you. My cousin "Lily", a wonderful gal, has a new friend, "Else" who is both sweet and beautiful. Else was found a few years ago running loose on the streets of Los Angeles, so who knows what's in her background. Lily and Else get together three times a week for play time. They really look forward to those times. However there is a big problem! Every time Else comes over to play, Else's does her business in Lily's bedroom!!! No lie! To top it off, Else acts like she has done nothing wrong! So my dear Brent, what to do?? I will impart any suggestions you may have to my cousin.
Fred the Schnauzer 6 yrs. of age
Toluca Lake, Ca
Dear Fred,
Wowziers! Else was found wandering the streets of Los Angeles? Man I have never even been to L.A. much less allowed to wander about with out The Old Lady hovering/smothering over me! You do not say what part of L.A. Else was found so I am not so sure that her doing her business is not just a localized custom that she is performing when visiting her new friend. I know that the Shih Tzu feels very comfortable about leaving behind a bit of themselves when visiting someones home. I know this as there is a Shih Tzu named Ernie who lives two doors down from me. He is a real friendly guy who likes to visit my neighbor Benny the Beagle on a regular bases. Just last week at the backyard fence, Benny and I were having a rousing discussion on the consumption of "treat". Benny said that while he considers himself a liberal about most things, "treat" was beyond his reasoning! Ernie the Shih Tzu, who had stopped by to shoot the breeze, said he didn't mind "treat" but instead of taking it for himself preferred leaving it behind as a token of his esteem for his host. I had not heard of this custom before and was instantly impressed that Ernie had such a Continental way about himself! Boy, you learn something new everyday!
So my dear Fred this is my advice for your cousin,
1. When Else comes to visit say Halló Else og velkomin. This means "Hello Else and welcome" in Icelandic. (I'm thinking that with a name like Else she must be Icelandic!) Your speaking Icelandic will impress her and she will want to listen to what you have to say.
2. If Else does do her business in your room act surprised. Then casually mention that unlike in L.A./Iceland this custom is not pleasing to the host and that the backyard is the preferred area for doing business. Direct Else to the backyard facilities where, after she has done her business, you should have a robust game of chase. Make sure you let her win as this will let her know that there are no hard feelings concerning her previous social faux pas.
3. When Else no longer does this L.A./Icelandic ritual, show her your appreciation, by preparing a few traditional dishes, from her Icelandic homeland such as skyr, cured ram scrota, hakarl, sharks head which is left buried under ground for several months to ferment and blood pudding. These culinary delights will make Else feel right at home and she will treasure your friendship forever!
And if all "else" fails Dear Fred, tell Lily to KEEP HER DOOR CLOSED when Else visits!
My Best to You,
Brent the Boy Boxer Dog
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