Well the rains are upon us once again and once again I am haunted by the memory of the Spring flooding of 2010! Because of the horrific images that come to mind when I speak of the floods, I have not done so in the past. But now I feel I must attempt to, in hopes of creating a cathartic cleansing of my cognitive memory. (I really have no idea what I just said, but I think it looks really good in print!)
It all started out on a cold rainy night, as do most frightful events in ones life. We had all had our teeth brushed, with some gritty,"minty" toothpaste that The Old Lady had picked up at the 99 cent store. The Old Girl then gave us a quick brush/rub down and secured/locked us away in our crates/jails. The sound of the rain against the window pane made me sleepy, but it also made me wish I had peed my last time outside, instead of playing chase with my snooty cousin Sonie. Drat that girl for having kidneys like a spinfex hopping mouse!
I thought about calling out to The Old Lady and request to be "let out" one more time, but I could hear the opening theme song for "Golden Girls" coming from the den (I mean really, how many times can one woman watch a re-run?) and knew her answer to my request would only be to "Stop barking!" So I positioned/balanced myself on my back and was soon in the depths of blissful REM. I was in the middle of my favorite dream, the one where I am chasing "The Ginger Snap Girl" on the beach, when I first noticed the wetness. I sat up with a start, thinking that I had relieved myself, on myself. But the realization of the true situation was far scarier! The rain had increased during my sleep and was now flooding into our room from underneath the door to the backyard patio . Visions of tsunamis and drowning crowded my mind! "Holy Muskatel" I shouted," We're all going to die!"
The big dog Doc was the first one to tell me to "shut up!" He was sleeping on his side facing away from the on coming waters and didn't appear at all concerned. I turned to my Mom Biscuit but she was snoring and had that Mom look on her face of "Hell no, don't wake me up!"I stood up and looked over to my snooty cousin Sonie who was now awake and giving me the stink eye for disturbing her "beauty sleep". I ignored her reproachful look and asked "Do you think we should warn The Old Lady about the possibility of our impending demise?"
"Oh Brent, your so overly dramatic. It's just a little water and no, I don't think you should wake up Susan. Goodness knows she needs her beauty sleep. Now turn over and go back to sleep!" Oh great, now the Queen of canine drama was calling me overly dramatic! But, she did have a point, The Old Lady definitely needs all of the beauty sleep she can get! I turned over in my crate/jail and dozed on and off for the next few hours with one eye opened. It was about 4 o'clock in the morning when I was awakened by the sound of water lapping against the bottom pan of my crate/jail. I sat up and was about to scream out "Every dog for himself," when I noted that the others were all fast asleep and in no apparent distress over our current circumstance.
Fearing further ridicule from my snooty cousin Sonie or worst yet, vexing the big dog Doc. I said nothing and sat in the corner of my crate/jail, contemplating my soon to be exit from this world and trying to embrace the fact that it was to be my destiny to die too young and unpublished. I was well into my grief and pity when I thought about my Mom Biscuit sleeping quietly in her crate/jail unaware of the danger that was rising around us. Looking at the rise and fall of her chest as she softly snored in her blissful sleep, I realized that it was up to me to save her from this pending doom! So I made a decision to ignore my own safety and dive into the murky depths of the flooding waters to rescue the one who is responsible for my very being!
The rain continued to fall as I began to dig at the bottom pan of my crate/jail. I dug with a fury of self realization that I was now a dog on a mission to save his Mom! I must have dug for hours but at last I had successfully pushed the bottom pan of my crate/jail all the way out. Unfortunately it was then that I realized that my crate/jail has a wire bottom under the pan making it impossible to "dig one's way out." Curses, foiled! I also noted that without the pan in place, me and my crate/jail were now paw deep in water and it was cold water at that!
I must be truthful and admit that I began to sniffle a bit at this juncture of my rescue operation. I did not know what to do. My crate/jail blanket which had at one time been warm and fluffy was now a wet soggy pile in the corner of my crate/jail. I looked at the big dog Doc, my Mom Biscuit and my snooty cousin Sonie, all of whom were still sleeping soundly in their warm dry crates and suddenly I felt very sad and very alone. I hung my head in defeat, well aware that I wasn't in any position to rescue anybody. What was a poor canine boy to do? With the rising water I thought, the only thing that would save us now was an Ark. Yes, that's what we needed an Ark! That would solve our dilemma! I quickly decided I could pray for an ark! I knew how to do it as I often hear The Old Lady crying out to the "Big Guy." Like when she found me in her garden with a freshly picked egg plant, dangling from my mouth, and cried out, "Dear God! What are you doing Brent?"
But to whom should I address my request? With a Methodist mother and a Jewish father (yes, I am of mixed breeding and yes dogs do follow the faith of their breeders.....it just makes it easier that way) I wasn't sure which side to call upon . I closed my eyes and cleared my head (which for me is really easy to do!) allowing any presence who wanted to intervene spiritually to do so.....ASAP! After a few minutes of cerebral silence I opened my eyes and calmly asked out loud "Dear God, be you Jewish, Methodist, or Buddhist please help me!" It was at that very moment that I saw a soft glow coming from under the doorway leading into the house. As the door opened the light got much brighter. It was shining directly into my eyes and I was gripped with fear as I called out, "Oh dear God, if you have to take someone......... .. please take my snooty cousin Sonie. Please don't take me or my Mom Biscuit!" Then a voice from within the light said, "Brent, what in the hell have you done?" Well I was rather pleased and instantly perplexed at the same time, for God not only knew me by name but his voice sounded somewhat familiar. Although I must admit I was very surprised that he cursed, and he continued to curse as he entered the room. When he approached my crate/jail I thought I recognized his green terry cloth robe, but it was when he let out a shrill scream as the flood water saturated his house slippers that I realized it wasn't "God" at all, it was just The Old Lady with a flash light in her hand coming to see what my "barking" was about. To be honest, I was never so happy to see The Old Girl as at that moment. Of course she carried on and moaned and groaned as she moved our crates/jails into the living room. It took her most of the day to clean up the water and I must admit I did enjoy watching her through the window as she filled sand bags in the rain and placed them in front of the door to the backyard trying to divert the flooding.
Thinking about it, I don't know how I could have confused The Old Lady with "God". But I do know my prayers were answered. The floods were diverted and me and my Mom did not drown. The next day when the rain stopped and the sun came out, The Old Lady let us out to play in the backyard. It was great to be out and free once again. I met up with Benny the Beagle at the fence and told him of my terrifying experience. Benny said he was very familiar with the story of "Noah and the Ark". Last summer he had been in an re-enactment of the story of the Ark at his humans vacation bible school. Benny said he was quite believable in his portrayal of a yak, but that Louie the German Shepherd, who was suppose to be portraying an elephant, was not so good, as he chewed off his trunk before he even got on stage. Benny also told me about Noah and the rainbow and how I should look for one to see if I had indeed experienced a heavenly intervention. After looking up into the skies for more than an hour all I noted was that, if you stare at the sun too long you will see spots and get a really bad headache! I never saw the red, orange, yellow, green, indigo blue or violet in the sky that make up the optical phenomenon. So I gave up on the idea and decided to play chase with my snooty cousin Sonie.
Later as we were lying around on the grass, I felt an overwhelming feeling of joy at just being alive so I jumped up and did a few laps around the yard (That's what we dogs do when we feel joyful!). As I ran I noted how blue the sky was in contrast to the greenness of the grass and how my Mom Biscuit's coat looked especially shiny and red in the bright yellow sunlight and as I paused to take a sniff and a munch at The Old Lady's lilac bush, I stopped and reflected that in life, with it's ups and downs and occasional very frightful moments, there really are lots of rainbows, sometimes we just need to look for them!
Well girls, I hope it's sunny where you're at today.
Best to you,
Brent the boy Boxer Dog
Need some advice on life? Just Ask Brent!
email all questions to brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com
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