Just Brent

Dear Just Brent,

My Ma'am (AKA human mom) has been reading me your blog and I think you are very smart! I'm hoping that you can help me with my problem. I have the opportunity to compete in a very big dog show this month. I've been told this is a very special show and that I have to be on my best behavior. Problem is my best behavior isn't always so very good. I have a tendency to show people how much I love them by getting very excited and jumping up to hug and kiss them. I guess for some reason that is frowned upon! Anyone who knows us boxers, understands that this is how we express our total joy in meeting new people. We are just a "paws on" kinda breed! How can I keep my excitability under control and not embarrass my Ma'am if it turns out I can go to the show?

Yours Truly,
Fergie, Boxer (Show Girl, 1 year old )


Dear Fergie,

Jeepers! Are you related to that super fine girl singer Stacy Fergerson, star of my forever most favorite show, Kids Incorporated? She rocked on that show, with her long blond hair and those super cool outfits. Man I would love to meet her and be able to lick her hand!
To be honest Ms Fergie, at first, I was not going to respond to your letter. When I read that you were a show girl, I thought that you might be snooty like my cousin Sonie (AKA Princess Champion). But then I read that you think I am smart so I felt it was my duty to help you!
Although I have never been to a dog show personally, my Mom Biscuit has told me plenty of stories about what goes on at them so I feel that I am well able to advise you.

So Ms Fergie, here is my advice to you:

1. As you have stated, we Boxers are a joyful breed who love to jump and dance when ever we meet new folks. To downsize your enthusiasm as you walk into the show ring, I would encourage you to envision that all of the humans are in their birthday suits! My Mom Biscuit said that she did this as a pup when she felt nervous about impressing the judge. For the most part it worked out very well for her. I myself tried the "Humans in their B.D. Suits Vision" when The Old Lady was upset with me over a missing loaf of Banana Nut Bread (Yes I did eat it and yes it was delicious!) I did not want to appear guilty so during her interrogation of me, I envisioned The Old Girl in the buff . Well needless to say I laughed so hard I almost fell over! This infuriated The Old Lady, as she thought I was being insolent and showed no remorse over the missing loaf. So she put in my crate/jail for a very lengthy time out! There for Ms Fergie remember, when you are using this technique to try and quash your excitement in the ring, do not envision anyone who looks like The Old Lady in the nude as it will make you laugh really hard!

2. Pursue a hobby! I find that as a dog having a hobby is very beneficial as it can both relax and help you to focus when under stress. Of course as a member of the canine community, finding the right hobby is not always as easy as one might think! My first hobby was collecting Beetles. At first, I found it do-able and cost effective. After collecting the locals such as, the California prionus and one of my favorites the Phoracantha Recurva, a very handsome fellow originally from Australia, I started (illegally per the Internet) importing from out of state! As my obsession grew I went for the more exotic ones like the Alabama Pincher and the Black Blister, and (my eventual downfall ) the Checkered Beetle.

To make a long story short, I had my beetle gang out in the back yard for some fun in the sun when I heard The Old Lady approaching. I had always kept the gang in separate match boxes but in a panic I tried to quickly scoop them up into an empty Milk Bone box. I had them rounded up and was gently nudging the last guys in with my snout when the Alabama Pincher grabbed a hold of my right, nostril while the Black Blister slathered my left nostril with his toxic blistering secretion. (Needless to say I will, in the future, read the fine print when purchasing ANYTHING on the Internet!) I didn't know what to do so I licked my snout hard and swallowed them both whole. My eyes were watering and my nose was running as I grabbed the Milk Bone Box, with the rest of the gang, and headed for my secret corner in the yard where I left them out of view from The Old Lady. A few hours later, with a hideously swollen snout and very achy belly, I returned to my secret corner calling out "It's Okay guys I'm back!" When I tore open the Milk Bone box I was horrified not to see the whole gang, but only a very bloated Checkered Beetle with a smile like a Cheshire cat on his face! (I will also in the future, before making a purchase, look up words I am not familiar with like Predaceous).
So my dear Ms Fergie, stay away from live critters and the Internet when picking a hobby! I say start with a rock collection but I warn you not to eat any of the white sparkly rocks. Even though they look like candy they are not and they can be very painful upon exiting!

3. If you find yourself swept up in the moment and doing the boxer wiggle dance in the middle of the show ring when you are suppose to be quietly stacked and looking totally magnificent, simply look up at your Ma'am with adoration in your eyes that say "I love you girl!" This will let your Ma'am know that you really tried hard but your joy and love of the moment were just too much. Then as you exit the ring, try and wag your tail extra hard and look really cute. This will encourage your Ma'ams friends to comment that even though you were naughty, you were really cute! Your Ma'am will forgive you instantly 'cause all human moms love to hear how cute their dog is!


Good Luck in the ring Ms Fergie!

Best to you,
Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

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