Brent and the Moisture

Hey Folks! It’s me Brent!

Sorry I haven't written for awhile but The Old Lady has stifled my use of the computer and put me on restriction. She blames me for all the spam she's been receiving from the "Busty Boxer Babes Gone Wild" site. Like I'm the only dog in the house that enjoys looking at naked (no collars!) stacked, boxer girls. Hey, they are all over 18 mos of age and my oh my, are they gorgeous with that come hither look in their dark chocolate eyes and their sassy wet noses. Boy what I wouldn't give to run around the yard with one of those babes! Bet they could teach me a thing or two about digging and chewing up things. Well at least I can peek at them on the internet this weekend 'cause the The Old Lady has gone to a dog show with my "She Thinks She's All That!" cousin Sonie. Hah, like I even care that I've never been to a dog show! All they do is run around a ring and act snooty. Which evidently Sonie is pretty good at, the acting snooty part, 'cause she is very snooty to me all the time. Not like my sister Bebe who loved to play and dig with me and be with me and talk to me and...... (sniffle)......I really do miss her.
To be honest girls these past months have been very hard on me. It all started right after my sister Bebe moved to Washington with her new family. I had tried to be on my best behavior. I had not dug, chewed or partaken of "Treat" for two whole days. The Old Lady had noted my efforts to turn over a new leaf and as a reward after the Old Man had finished his lunch and drove off to return to his office, she invited me to take a nap with her and Biscuit on the big bed. That's the bed where The Old Lady and The Old Man sleep!
Well girls, I was beside myself with excitement and anticipation. I was hardly ever allowed in The Old Ladie's bedroom much less on her bed! This was going to be the start of something new for me. At last I would be part of the inner circle. I was to be a dog that could be trusted, maybe even depended upon! I was very pleased with myself so while The Old Lady went downstairs to get her book and reading glasses, I decided try out the big bed for myself. Wow, was it soft and bouncy. I jumped up and down on it while chasing my tail. I was in dog heaven. It was so much fun and so exciting! I was doing back flips and forward flips. I was amazing even to myself. I had never felt so excited and alive.
I was just about to do a 3/4 twist with a side/back flip when I noticed the "moisture". In all the excitement I had evidently, accidentally, wet on myself a little and on the bed covers... a whole lot. I froze in terror as I heard The Old Lady's approaching footsteps. My immediate reaction was to jump off the bed and blame the "accident" on my cousin Sonie. But Sonie was sleeping in her crate downstairs at the time. Damn that snooty girl! What was I to do? As the bedroom door opened I felt a sudden rush of calm. I had the answer! I knew what to do. I smiled at The Old Girl and wagged my tail as if I was pleased to see her as she entered the bedroom. My plan was to keep her distracted with my charm until the bed dried out.
Okay so it wasn't the greatest plan ever, especially when The Old Lady sat down next to me on a very wet spot. It took her a moment to realize that the warm moist feeling on her bottom had come from me. She was patting my head and saying "Now don't you like being up here where the good dogs.....Oh My God! What the? Oh no, Brent!" It was in her enthusiasm with which she said my name that I knew I was screwed! I darted like a bat out of hell trying to get away from her.
Unfortunately a few sprinklings of my "moisture" had landed on the hard wood floor and now made my escape somewhat of a slip and slide catastrophe! I half flew, half skidded across the floor toward the slightly ajar bedroom door through which I had hoped to make my escape. But as luck would have it, my back end caught the corner of the door slamming it shut blocking my way. Damn! Foiled again! I turned slowly to face The Old Lady, who didn't appear really angry, just more in shock at the sequence of events that had just occurred. "Really Brent" she said in an eerie whispery voice, "You wet the bed?" This portion of her questioning was said with more force and I noted a slight tremor in her voice. I didn't know if I was facing jail/crate time or my impending death.
Actually, I was finding her hard to read and this really scared me. So I did what any intelligent dog would do. I hung my head, looked up at her with sad soul-full eyes let out a long sigh and whimpered. I knew by the look on The Old Lady's face that she was now finding it difficult to read me. I was hoping that she would find me to have a look of dog that was full of remorse, and take pity on me or even think me somewhat daft with a leaking bladder condition. Heck she could think what ever she wanted just as long as it didn't end with me in “The freezer.” I've often heard The Old Man talk about "The Freezer". He has one at his veterinary hospital I don’t know what it's for but my mom Biscuit told me, "Once you go in, you don't come out!"
Well my eyes were beginning to water as The Old Lady and I stared intently at one another and I could feel my back end starting to cramp where I had banged it into the bedroom door. The Old Lady and I just kept staring at each other, neither wanting to be the first to blink or look away. It was...a Mexican Stand Off! Heaven knows how it would have ended, maybe in blood shed. Alright, probably not, but a little drama always helps a story to move along!
It was the sound of The Old Man's car pulling back into the driveway that finally broke the stalemate between me and The Old Lady. We both looked toward the driveway and then back at each other and then at the wetness on the bed. "Ahhhhhhh!" cried The Old Girl, as she frantically gathered up the bed linens into a ball. "Run!" she screamed at me.
Like I didn't know to run? The Old Man's bed is wet and she thinks I'm going to stick around to take credit for it? Heck, No! I was half way down the stairs when The Old Boy came in through the front door. He was oblivious to my presence as The Old Lady came down the stairs with the moisture filled linens acting like everything was fine. "Oh did you forget something?" The Old Lady questioned sweetly giving him one of her "All's right with the world" smiles. I've seen her practice them often in the mirror, as she examines her face for any new signs and symptoms of aging, age spots/wrinkles, which she always finds and then acts so surprised that they are there. Humans!
The Old Lady's smile and demeanor seemed to soften The Old Man for a moment, either that or he was just pleased to see that she was changing the bed linens and doing laundry instead of taking her regular afternoon "Siesta" with Biscuit. After retrieving what ever it was that he had left behind on the desk, The Old Man chimed, "Love you"  as he closed the door behind him and left once again. The smile left The Old Lady's face with the click of the door. She turned to me with her steely blue eyes and with a thin lipped snarl she said, "Okay you" pointing a twisted arthritic finger toward my nose, "Into your crate now!" Well it didn't take me but a boxer heart beat to get my brindle butt back into my crate. Heck anything beat the FREEZER at this point!
And my crate is where I stayed while The Old Lady put fresh sheets on the Big Bed. I heard her call for Biscuit and knew the "Siesta" was about to start. Then I heard her foot steps approaching the dog room where the Big Dog Doc and I were resting in our crates. My heart leaped into my throat. Oh my gosh, had she forgiven me and was now coming to release me from my crate/jail and thus allow me to be apart of the "Siesta"? Heck no!

The Old Lady walked right pass my crate/jail and stopped in front of my snooty cousin Sonies' crate. As she leaned down and unlatched the crate door I heard her say "Now, here's a good dog to take a nap with." Damn! As if Sonie wasn't snooty enough already, now this! My cousin slowly stretched and yawned as she exited her crate looking my way with a knowing glint in her eye. She then strutted her show girl figure in front of my crate/jail and as she passed she paused to whisper "Sucker!" under her breath. My feelings were crushed. I was now the object of jokes and humiliation amongst my peers. I was the lowly of lowliest, the bottom of the barrel, the wannabe dog. Defeated I slid back down in my crate/jail and began to wallow in my sorrows and self pity, of which I am very good at doing.
As The Old Lady passed my crate I heard the Big Dog Doc snicker. I glanced up with wounded pride, figuring I was about to be the brunt of one of his "dumb dog" jokes, when I noticed that he was snickering at, the use to be size 10, bum of The Old Lady and not at me. I turned to catch a glimpse of The Old Girls' backside as she left the room and in doing so saw what the Big Dog Doc found so humorous. "Wow Kid, did you cause that?" questioned The Big Dog. He was referring to the very large wet spot on the backside of The Old Ladies' jeans. (Not to the amazing expansion of her whole bum area which is totally her fault not mine. I mean really how much peanut brittle does one human need to ingest over the holiday period before the word addiction is used?) As far as the very large wet spot goes, I do believe that in her rush to cover up my indiscretion/moisture letting, she had completely forgotten about the "moisture" on her own jeans. As she closed the door to the crate room I heard The Big Dog Doc mutter as he made himself comfortable in his crate, "Serves her right!"
You see, he was a bit miffed that The Old Lady had chosen Biscuit and Sonie over him for the "Siesta". It was then that I heard him utter those most precious words, words I thought I would never hear about me from The Big Dog, "Well done kid!"
"Well done Kid!" Man, oh, man, was I in heaven! The Big Dog Doc had not only spoken to me.....but he had praised my actions. I wanted to say something clever back at him but thought better of it, which was the right decision as I soon heard him snoring softly. That was Okay as I was beginning to feel a little drowsy myself. Hey, it had been a long and somewhat eventful morning, one in which I had become "One" with The Big Dog or at least for the moment and besides, it was "Siesta" time!