Just Ask Brent

Dear Just Brent,

I have a problem I hope you can solve. My younger sister likes to play with all of my toys. I don't really mind that she plays with my toys, however I do not appreciate the fact that she slobbers all over them!!!!! When I go to play with them or re-arrange them in the toy box, they taste HORRIBLE! Is there anything I can do to get the foul taste and odor off my toys? She is also very messy and never puts the toys back where she found them! I am trying to keep the peace in our home as I am the eldest and the smartest! But I mean really..........can't one play with one's toys (or others) and maintain some level of civility? Is there no class left in the canine community?

BOGIE, Standard Poodle who is both mature and classy!


Dear Mr. Bogie,

It is obvious that since you are a poodle you probably are a classy, civilized sort of dog. Unfortunately, your sister is obviously not as refined as you! I don't like to judge on breeding alone, but my guess is she is not of French descent. She may even be German like me, which means she likes to play lots and get dirty doing so. You do have my sympathies as Bridget, my neighbor across the street, is a French poodle and she is very refined!

Bridget is also a bit of a breed snob and will only talk to Boxers and Beagles when she is really bored. Which, she was last week when she told me about the French delicacy escargot. When she first told me about the eating of snails on the half shell, I thought she was just pulling my paw. You can imagine my delight when Benny the Beagle substantiated her culinary claim. Well being a canine that is always ready and willing to challenge my palate, I decided to try escargot. Early one morning while taking a leisurely stroll in the back yard I came upon a snail making his way across the garden wall.


I apologetically stated "Sorry about this Old Chap" and promptly scooped him up with my tongue. I immediately realized I had made a mistake as he did not taste buttery with a light garlic finish as Bridget had claimed he would. What he did taste was really horrible, so I tried to swallow him whole. Well this did not work, as for the next 45 minutes Mr. Escargot insisted on continually inching his way back up my throat. After tickling my tonsils one too many times I finally gave in and with a half cough, half sneeze expelled the gastropod back onto the garden wall. As he slowly slithered off I called out "No hard feelings" but he did not even look back. So much for "Bon Appetit" Bridget!

Now then this is my advice to you, Mr. Bogie;

1. Let your sister have all of your old toys. She will think you are really nice and will want to share with you when snacks are handed out.

2. When you get a new toy that you think is cool, hide it! You must only bring it out to play when your sister is sleeping or taking a bath.

3. Do not eat snails even though you are French. In addition, be really glad your sister is not a snail! Believe me your toys would taste way worse if she were a snail and the neighbor dogs would relentlessly tease you about your sister "The Gastropod".

4. As far as the odor and slobbery substance, your sister leaves on toys, I find rinsing my toys in the large porcelain-drinking bowl in the bathroom helps. Just make sure if you leave them in there to soak that your humans don't accidentally flush them away 'cause sometimes the toys will plug up the bowl, which will then over flow onto the floor and your humans will blame you for the mess when all you were doing was trying to practice good personal hygiene!

Do try and be patient as it could be worse. You could have a snooty cousin instead of a slobbery sister!


Best to you,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

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Check in next week for letters from my sisters!