Just Ask Brent!

( This letter is from Brent's Sister Lolli )

Dear Just Brent,

It has been a while since I've seen you and I miss you dearly. I am so glad you now have an advice column because dear brother I NEED IT! I don't know what's wrong with me but obviously something is!

You may have heard that I was "skunked" a few months back. Chasing the skunk was an exciting adventure, though very short lived! The skunk sprayed this gosh awful stuff at me that burned my eyes, went up my nose and down my throat making me gag!

My folks were real understanding and of course they thought I had learned my lesson. But you now how it is. The temptation of the pursuit, the zeal of a chase? I just couldn't help myself and dang if it didn't happen again, sprayed in the face!

The second time my folks were NOT very pleased with me. There was no, "Oh poor baby Lolli" or warm baths in the big tub with nice smelling soaps and soft towels. No, not for me! This time Ma'am just stared at me with a look of disgust as she tied me to the fence. She then sprayed me down with cold hose water and lathered me up with dish soap. After rinsing me off I was dried with an old tattered beach towel. That night I had to sleep in the garage by myself! The whole incident was humiliating to say the least!

I would like to say that after the second time I had learned my lesson and am no longer interested in the pursuit of wild life on my property. But dear brother that would be a lie, as I have gone after a opossum and a few of those peanut munching squirrels. Much to the dismay of Ma'am, I have taken out one or two of the slow runners. I don't mean to off any of them, it's just so much fun going after them! What is wrong with me?
Was I just born to be bad?

You Sister,
LOLLI, Boxer Girl , (almost) 2 yrs. old

Dear Sister Lolli,

Born to be bad.....No my dear sister! You are just a free spirited Boxer girl.
But jeepers Lolli, skunked twice in one month? So much for you being the brains of the family! Your folks (i.e.Ma'am) sound more than understanding as you obviously still have your computer privileges. If I was skunked even once The Old Lady, would put me in a permanent time out in the basement for the rest of my life, with only a bit of bread and a little water once a day!

As you might know dear readers, the pursuit of wild life is a time honored tradition in the canine world. Over time as man has domesticated our genus, we have become more open to accepting other species into our immediate environment.

But there is no way that any dog worth their weight in kibble is going to put out the welcome mat for SKUNKS! You obviously have drawn a line in the sand, Sis, and you must continue to stand your ground! What you need to do is make your folks, and particularly Ma'am, appreciate your selfless efforts.

Here is my advice on your skunk dilemma:

1. When you go out in your yard at night make sure your Ma'am is with you. As you track around the yard look over your shoulder occasionally and make eye contact with her having that look on your face of "Guard Dog On Duty". It will inspire her to know that you are there to protect her no matter the cost to your own well being.

2. When you do cross paths with a skunk, pause and take a few steps back toward Ma'am making sure that if and when the little stripped mephitidae decides to unload on you a small whiff will waft it's way toward Ma'am. At this point throw yourself in front of her taking the rest of the odorous anal excretion full on (preferably closing your eyes and mouth at the time). Your Ma'am will feel so guilty that you put her well being over your own safety that she will inevitably consider you her hero for life! Once the stench wears off, she may even allow you to sleep in her bed and even possibly sit next to her at the dinner table offering you table scraps on a regular bases. And of course your Ma'am will soon be bragging to all of her friends about what her brave and trustworthy dog did!

As far as squirrels are concerned, kudos to you for being able to catch one! I've never even come close to catching one. So being ignorant on the subject I ask Benny the Beagle for his advice. Benny said that according to his friend Moose the Bloodhound who lives around the corner, squirrel season does not open until August 15. So you really shouldn't being trying to "bag" one until then. Moose also said that, "Unlike popular misconceptions on the hunting of squirrels, they do not "spoil " if given reasonable care when out in the field. Mainly keeping them out of the sun and out where air flows freely around them will keep them fresh for later." I told Benny to tell Moose thanks for his advice!

Here is my advise to you on squirrels:

1. Do not "bag" one until after August 15th. You might get arrested and as I can attest to, Boxer dogs do not do well behind bars!

2. When you do "bag" one, put it on the porch in the shade where the air flows freely. You can also leave one of the many tasty squirrel recipes found on the "Billy Bob Bill ".com site. Your humans will be very impressed that you are now providing for the family!

3. Try not to "bag" too many too often. Although most humans are carnivores and have been the cause of many a chicken, cow or pig going to meet their maker, they like to think of themselves as humane. So the site of a carnivore acting like a carnivore seems to put them off. The Old Lady has a tizzy fit any time one of us even thinks about chasing a squirrel or a opossum! I know it seems silly dear Sister, but after all they are only human!

Well my best to you,

Your brother,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

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