"Just Ask Brent"

Dear Just Brent,

Your column has been very helpful in the past and I am hoping you can help me now. I have a household of wonderful Boxers who I love dearly, but I often have a problem (as have other owners I know) with my dogs refusing to come in when called. I used to be able to get them to follow the command when I called out “cookie, cookie, cookie” (which I would have in hand and gave to them when they came). Now, they will stop and look at me in defiance as if to say, “I’m not falling for that trick, 'cause you want to put me in the crate, or make me go outside, or make me come inside" (or whatever else I want them to do). What do you recommend I do to get them to come when I call them? Please help me with my divas.

Miss Bonnie, Proud owner/breeder/lover of gorgeous Boxers!

Dear Miss Bonnie,

This is so cool as you are only my second human to write in. This shows me that you obviously have an above average IQ. Unfortunately, I think that your smartness might have rubbed off on your dogs! Either that or your choice of cookies are of questionable quality and/or flavor! I hope you are not offering Animal Cookies! While it is true that their frosting is both festive and flavorful, I myself find it a bit cannibalistic to consume them. One time Bridget the Poodle, who lives across the street, had taken a pink frosted rhinoceros animal cookie and buried it in her toy box. When she found it eight months later, it had not aged at all! The rhinoceros was still bright pink and festive. She had offered it to me, but I said "No thank you! I'm no cannibal!" But Benny the Beagle said he did not have a problem eating a rhinoceros and took it down in a munch and a gulp. Verdict? Still flavorful and crunchy, according to Benny the Beagle.

So my Dear Miss Bonnie here is my advice to you,

1.Only buy really good cookies. As I have revealed in the past, my very favorite cookies are the Ginger Snaps from Trader Joe's. Do not low ball your canine family with a discounted store brand or even worse do not under any circumstances call "Cookies, Cookies" unless you really have some in your hand and are ready to reward those who believe in your words and come running. If you do try to low ball your canine family and make empty promises they will think you are a politician and possibly try to bite your leg when you approach them!

2. Have a Boxer family meeting. (The Old Lady loves doing these!) Gather your Boxers together in a circle with you sitting cross legged in the middle.With a tear in your voice say "I don't know where I went wrong? Heaven knows I try. But do I get any support from you guys?" When you say this last line try and make eye contact with each of your non "Cookie" responders. Then let out a big sigh and look very disappointed while you slowly shake your head from side to side. This will make your non "Cookie" responders feel very guilty and want to change their ways!

3. If all else fails buy a goat! Preferably a Nigerian Dwarf goat as they are very friendly and cute! I know this as Moose the Bloodhound who lives around the corner met one at his cousin's house. Moose said that goats will eat just about anything (maybe not "Treat" but just about anything else!) And how clever is it that they come to you already named? I would encourage you to pick a Nanny goat and not a Billy goat because even though the Billy's smell is delightful, they can be really bossy, much like my cousin Sonie! Believe me, the arrival of your new goat will put your non " Cookie" responders on Notice! Just imagine yourself at your backdoor calling out "Nanette cookies!" (You will probably want to call your goat Nanette in front of your Boxers as this will impress them that she has a "Show Girl" name. As your goat eats the cookies in front of the non responders, say things like "Good goat," and "Oh Nanette you are my special girl" as you look into her horizontal pupiled eyes. (Do not stare into your goats eyes too long as she might try to hypnotize you! Moose says goats can do that but Benny says, " No way." I say better safe than sorry!) If you say these things in front of your Boxers, they will be very jealous and fearful that if they don't behave and come when called, they might just soon be replaced by this friendly, cute caprine!

My Best to you,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Need some advice on life? " Just Ask Brent"

email your questions to Brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

or Bigdane220@yahoo.com

Brent and the Vicker

Hey Girls It's Me Brent!
Man oh man! What a day I had today. Let me tell you girls, it is one that I will not soon forget!
Early this morning there was a terrible commotion at the back fence. In the alley behind our yard there was a strange dog barking and carrying on. Of course all of the neighborhood dogs were at full attention and the big dog Doc was in commando mode with my snooty cousin Sonie right behind him. I couldn't see what was causing all the fuss so I added my support by barking and looking "tough" as I charged the fence. When I got close enough to see through the Oleander hedge, I caught site of a small scruffy dog who was all alone. He was doing his best to look fierce, but even I could tell he was more than a little intimidated by all of the name calling and dog verbiage being thrown his way. The Old Lady soon put an end to all of the ruckus by calling us into the house for "Cookies".

Now when I hear the word "Cookie "I make a bee line for the back door, to be out run only by my Mom Biscuit. The big dog Doc and my snooty cousin Sonie aren't quite as cookie motivated as me and my Mom. Sometimes The Old Lady has to go out into the yard and demand that they come back inside immediately. I always get a good chuckle when she is still in her PJ's when she does this, as she is quite the site!
After we were all settled back into our crates/jails and finally given a cookie, I asked the big dog Doc what was up with the small scruffy dog at our fence. The big dog Doc said the small scruffy dog was some stray who had no business hanging around his backyard fence! By his tone I could tell he was still miffed about the whole incident so I turned to my snooty cousin Sonie for further questioning.

"Hey Princess Champion, what was that small scruffy dog doing all alone in the alley way", I queried. Ever since my snooty cousin Sonie became a champion, she makes me call her "Princess Champion". I don't like calling her "Princess Champion", but if I just call her Sonie, she won't answer me and will then refuse to play with me in the backyard. My Mom Biscuit says it's just a phase she's going through and that she will soon answer to Sonie again. But I'm not so sure 'cause it's been over six months now and she's still referring to herself as "The Princess Champion"!
"It's true dear cousin Brent, that poor misfortunate creature at our back gate was a stray mongrel. (Did I also mention, that she is also now a Champion Drama Diva?) That pathetic little tyke has no home to go home too". With that the "Champion Princess of Drama" let one lone tear roll down her brindled furry cheek as she let out a theatrical sigh and then stretched out to take a nap. She then mumbled something about needing her beauty sleep and with a yawn closed her eyes. I was about to say something doggily rude, about her obvious need for beauty sleep, but decided to cut my losses and go to the source of truth, my Mom Biscuit!

"So Mom", I asked, "What happened to that mongrel's family?" My mom immediately chastised me for using the word mongrel stating that, "Underneath our fur, we are all the same dog." Hanging my head to "appear" shameful, I apologized and questioned in a more polite canine manner why it was that the little dog did not have a home.
"Unfortunately Brent, that little dog's humans no longer want him to be a part of their family."
"But I don't understand Mom, why didn't they find him a new home, like my sister Bebe has?"
"Oh Brent, your sister Bebe moved to a new home because it was her time to have her own family to care for. Unfortunately, there are some humans who are not very kind and will abandon their canine family member without regard to their safety or future."

Well needless to say I was dumbfounded. How could a human not be concerned about their dog's safety and future? I mean The Old Lady definitely gets under my epidermis, but at least she always feeds me! The Old Girl even brushes my teeth and washes my face at night. Not that I really enjoy all that feather fuss! I prefer to smell like a real dog with real dog breath, not like a mint julep!
"So Mom, you're saying there are people out there who treat their dog family members meaner than The Old Lady treats me?" Now I don't know if I've mentioned it before but my Mom Biscuit considers The Old Lady one of her best friends. Why? I don't know, but she does!
"Brent, you know I don't like it, when you call Susan, " The Old Lady." As far as dogs go we are treated better than most. Susan tries very hard to keep us healthy and happy."
"Yeah right!" I answered in a most snide tone. The words were out of my mouth and into my Mom's ears just as I realized I had actually said them out loud. Dang! I'm dead I thought to myself. I didn't know where to look as I was sure my Mom Biscuit had one of those Killer, Mad Mom Looks on her face. When I finally did look her way, her expression was one of sadness more than anything else. "Oh my dear Brent, you are so young. Sit down in your crate it's time I told you about the ways of the world outside of our yard." She then proceeded to tell me about a human monster called "The Vicker" (AKA Michael Vick).
"Outside of our yard and beyond there is a world of terrifying creatures who prey on weak and defenseless animals. Though they are humans, they act more like subhuman demons who enjoy inflicting pain and watching the suffering of animals. These demon creatures cause beautiful dogs, whose only desire is to please their master, to fight and tear at one another resulting in bloodshed and agony. And as if that was not enough the subhuman creatures themselves inflict great pain and suffering on those poor dogs who have not won the fight. These despicable creatures care nothing about the cost of canine life only about their lust for fighting and mayhem."

"But don't they know that dogs don't like to fight! We are pack animals we are suppose to protect each other for the good of the pack. (Even I was impressed with my comment! My time spent with The Old Lady watching Animal Planet had payed off at last!)
"These monsters, do not even care that dogs being a very social species, will love a human that is shunned by other humans!"
Now I know my Mom Biscuit, is very smart and has been on the show circuit as a young dog, but I could not imagine where she would have been exposed to such gruesomeness!
"How do you know these things?" I asked in a hushed whisper.
"Well" she said," I was searching through the bathroom trash in hopes of finding a napkin, full of cookie crumbs, left behind by Jim (AKA The Old Man) after one of his midnight cookie jar raids, when I spied the Daily News sports page lying on the floor next to the large porcelain drinking bowl. I was hoping to see who had won in the fifth race at Santa Anita, (With a name like "Biscuit"My Mom is quite the racing enthusiast. Don't even get her started on Zenyatta!) when I came upon an article about this athlete who hated and viciously mistreated his dogs and made them fight for money!"


I was speechless! How could there be a human like that? "Oh no!" I cried. "What did they do to him for such dastardly behavior towards our aniamlian totem?"
"They put him in prison for a short time and then ........they let him go."
"They let him go? But how could they? If a dog were to do any of those deeds he would be put to death! If they let this demon go, where is he now?" I asked fearing that this monster might come for me! My Mom Biscuit dropped her head and said in a sad whisper "There are many subhumans who care very little about what happens to dogs my sweet Brentenious." The Monster Vicker", is playing football once again while many subhumans cheer him on, and others pay him millions of human dollars to do so." I sat quietly in my crate/jail for a few minutes pondering what my Mom Biscuit had divulged to me. Real live Monsters outside of my yard, who don't care about their canine friends! Pain and suffering inflicted on dogs for sport? What kind of humans are these? At that moment my life with The Old Lady and my snooty cousin, "The Princess Champion", didn't seem so bad. But then, I thought about my sister Bebe and the great life she is having with her humans who I know protect her from any monsters. "Mom," I asked,"When will I be ready to have my own family to care for like my sister Bebe does?"
"Someday Brent, when you are a little older, I am sure there will be a special, no a very special person or family that will be just right for you! But until then, you're my boy!"
It was at that moment that The Old Lady came in to release us from our crate/jails. The big dog Doc was the first one out followed by "The Princess Champion." As The Old Lady, bent down to open my Mom Biscuit's crate/jail, I saw a flicker of a smile cross my Mom's face as she looked up at The Old Girl, still in her PJ's ,with her hair a mess. As she bent down to pat my Mom Biscuit, The Old Lady asked, "How's my girl doing?" My Mom started the "I love you no matter what wiggle," which truly delighted The Old Lady. I looked at the two of them and it occurred to me that my Mom loves The Old Girl in much the same way as I love my Mom! Which is a whole lot! So I deciphered that being my Mom's boy is okay for right now.
But someday I hope to have my own family like my sister Bebe does. I know I will love them and take good care of them. And of course they will love me and and want to protect me from The Monsters that are outside of my yard. I think they will also want to give me lots of cookies when I am good.......or maybe just because they love me! And because they are a good family they will never ever want to brush my teeth!

So Girls, until then I guess I will just have to put up with The Old Lady!


Best to you,
Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

"Just Ask Brent"

Dear Just Brent,

I am writing for my cousin as she is too shy to write to you. My cousin "Lily", a wonderful gal, has a new friend, "Else" who is both sweet and beautiful. Else was found a few years ago running loose on the streets of Los Angeles, so who knows what's in her background. Lily and Else get together three times a week for play time. They really look forward to those times. However there is a big problem! Every time Else comes over to play, Else's does her business in Lily's bedroom!!! No lie! To top it off, Else acts like she has done nothing wrong! So my dear Brent, what to do?? I will impart any suggestions you may have to my cousin.

Fred the Schnauzer 6 yrs. of age

Toluca Lake, Ca

Dear Fred,

Wowziers! Else was found wandering the streets of Los Angeles? Man I have never even been to L.A. much less allowed to wander about with out The Old Lady hovering/smothering over me! You do not say what part of L.A. Else was found so I am not so sure that her doing her business is not just a localized custom that she is performing when visiting her new friend. I know that the Shih Tzu feels very comfortable about leaving behind a bit of themselves when visiting someones home. I know this as there is a Shih Tzu named Ernie who lives two doors down from me. He is a real friendly guy who likes to visit my neighbor Benny the Beagle on a regular bases. Just last week at the backyard fence, Benny and I were having a rousing discussion on the consumption of "treat". Benny said that while he considers himself a liberal about most things, "treat" was beyond his reasoning! Ernie the Shih Tzu, who had stopped by to shoot the breeze, said he didn't mind "treat" but instead of taking it for himself preferred leaving it behind as a token of his esteem for his host. I had not heard of this custom before and was instantly impressed that Ernie had such a Continental way about himself! Boy, you learn something new everyday!

So my dear Fred this is my advice for your cousin,

1. When Else comes to visit say Halló Else og velkomin. This means "Hello Else and welcome" in Icelandic. (I'm thinking that with a name like Else she must be Icelandic!) Your speaking Icelandic will impress her and she will want to listen to what you have to say.

2. If Else does do her business in your room act surprised. Then casually mention that unlike in L.A./Iceland this custom is not pleasing to the host and that the backyard is the preferred area for doing business. Direct Else to the backyard facilities where, after she has done her business, you should have a robust game of chase. Make sure you let her win as this will let her know that there are no hard feelings concerning her previous social faux pas.

3. When Else no longer does this L.A./Icelandic ritual, show her your appreciation, by preparing a few traditional dishes, from her Icelandic homeland such as skyr, cured ram scrota, hakarl, sharks head which is left buried under ground for several months to ferment and blood pudding. These culinary delights will make Else feel right at home and she will treasure your friendship forever!

And if all "else" fails Dear Fred, tell Lily to KEEP HER DOOR CLOSED when Else visits!

My Best to You,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Need some advice on life? " Just Ask Brent"

email your questions to Brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

or Bigdane220@yahoo.com

Just Ask Brent!

Dear Just Brent,

I am a professional Dog Dancer and have also studied the art of obedience. I enjoy competitions and good times of just hanging out with my human Jo Jo. (My human's given name is Jo Anne but we are real tight so I call her Jo Jo.) However, my life has been turned upside down since she brought home the new puppy. She calls him Skywalker because he is always in the air. Personally, I call him "Sky Pest" and a few other choice names because, he won’t leave me alone!

Yesterday I had had enough and wanted some alone time, so I went to my crate/sleeping quarters, stepped inside and pulled the crate door shut. After a good long nap I got up, did a leisurely stretch with a touch of Tae Kwon Do for good measure. I was ready to get out of my crate/sleeping quarters but "Sky Pest" was lying down outside of my quarters with his annoying puppy butt leaning up against the door. For a moment, I was frozen in terror! I couldn't get out! Oh No! I started to cry like a baby and soon my girl Jo Jo came running and moved" Sky Pest" out of the way.

I have tried to be patient but it is getting harder, day-by-day, moment by moment. "Sky Pest" has now taken to uprooting all the flowers in our beautiful yard. He likes to bring the Iris bulbs into the house to show them off. He also brings in roots, twigs, and branches of anything he can reach. My Jo Jo has to rake the carpet before she vacuums. And what is really scary, is that recently he has taken to bringing in large pieces of concrete. We can't find where he is collecting them from and my humans are fearful that it is from the foundation of our house.
I think "Sky Pest" needs to go! But my Jo Jo does seem to really like him and she does find some of his antics humorous, although I don't know why! What I do know is that I want him to just leave me alone. Please advise on how I can get "Sky Pest" to quit bugging me!

Daisy, Boxer girl, 9 1/2 years old and going strong!
Bakersfield, Ca

Dear Daisy, Unfortunately what is going on here is a classic situation of les différences artistiques canine. In other words your boy Sky is an artistic Naturalist where as you, as a dancer, sound like a student of Purism. I know these things as Bridget the Poodle who lives across the street is also a student of Purism enjoying both water colors and pastels. It's amazing what that girl can do with a garden hose and a tube of Cotton Candy Pink lipstick!

I myself am a disciple of the Naturalist art form with a lean toward cubism at times. Both are relevant forms of expression in the dog world and are supported by most canine groups who dabble in the arts. The good news is, that yes, the two can co-exist under the same human built roof! What you need to understand and eventually embrace are the differences in the two.

Canine Purist (pups of Purism) tend to follow a clear precise art form. This concept is reflected in their still life work presentations which are both clean and pure.

Canine Naturalist ( pups of Naturalism) are an off shoot of the 19Th century Realism movement and often adopt a Darwinian perspective of life. They're works depict realistic objects in a natural setting. Okay let me break it down for you canine style!

Purist artistic dogs enjoy store bought toys from places like Pet A Go Go, Pets R Us and Wag'ems. They like to take their white and yellow nylon bones, lime green Frisbee and sky blue rubber balls to the middle of the yard and create a collage of inspiration. They appreciate that when left out overnight that precise presentation of pure originality will be cleansed by the sprinklers in the AM to once again sparkle in the sunlight of a new day.

Naturalist canine artists (myself and Benny the Beagle who lives next door) prefer the raw creativity of nature's toys found in their own backyard. Your boy Sky shows a clear Naturalist tendency with his use of twigs, roots and branches. Though potentially dangerous, I find his use of humanistic concrete to be both bold and original. And let us not ignore his incorporating your Purism influence with his use of the pastel Irises. I say well done! This boy definitely deserves your support as a budding artist!

Therefore, My Dear Daisy here is my advice to you;

1. Whenever you find Sky the Naturalist preparing to create, assist him with his gathering of the garden elements (twigs, branches, rocks and leaves). If he decides to lean toward a cubism expression (dig a hole), say "Hey Sky! How's about we work on this cubist endeavor together?" He will think you a great leader and very smart as you share his artistic vision.

2. If Sky decides to mix it up with a little Naturalism and a touch of Purism, applaud his daring by saying "Way to go Sky Guy!" The use of a personal nickname, from you, will help to build a bridge between your differing artistic tastes and let him know that you are there for him!

3. Promise him, that you will teach him to dog dance and that he will soon be the Fred Astaire of the dog world, but first he must quit eating the foundation of your home! If this does not quash his appetite for concrete say, "Jeepers Sky don't be a Chowder Head! The first two things that all dogs learn as pups are, one don't bite the hand that feeds you and two don't eat the house you live in!" Shake your head in disbelief, with your eyes narrowed, as you say this to him. This will embarrass him as he recalls that, yes indeed his mother did tell him not to do these two things as a pup. When he looks fully remorseful say "That's Okay Sky Guy, just don't let it ever happen again." He will now know that you can be both stern and forgiving. His appreciation for you as both a leader and an artist will be immense! His daily goal will now be to please, not pester you!

Best to you,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Need some advice on Life?

Just Ask Brent!

Send your email questions to Brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

"Just Ask Brent"

Dear Just Brent,

I enjoy reading your column and I hope you will be able to help me but I'm not sure if you can. You see, I am a cat with a big cat problem! My owner is an actor who recently moved in with his girlfriend and took both me and my brother Stewy with him . Now we all live in a very nice condo. As you might know cats love condos. There are stairs to run up and down on and lots of fun places to hide.

The girlfriend is very pretty and seems to like me and Stewy. Our problem is that she is insisting that our litter box must go and we must learn to use the toilet! Our toilet training has been going on for about a month now and I am comfortable with the whole thing. Unfortunately my brother Stewy is not! He prefers to use the big human wash tub in the bathroom which really upsets the pretty girlfriend. Stewy says that jumping up on a bowl of water is just too scary, 'cause once something falls into that bowl it is flushed away never to be seen again!

The pretty girlfriend, who is also an actor, is out of town on tour right now. She will be gone for 2 months and when she comes back the litter box is to be gone and Stewy and I must be toilet trained or else! I'm really worried about my brother Stewy as he continues to have a fear of being flushed away! What are we to do?

Sincerely,
Bobby Boy Cat, age 8 years

Dear BBC,

Wow! I didn't even know that cats could read much less write! Excuse my ignorance as we do not have a house cat where I live. The Old Lady says it's much too dangerous as the big dog Doc has an "unfortunate history" of playing too rough with neighborhood stray cats. Your litter box problem though is not an uncommon one according to my neighbor Benny the Beagle. At his house they have 2 indoor cats. His cats use a litter box which according to Benny can be a delightful snack bar at times but also an odorous disaster at others.

Benny was very intrigued that your humans are trying to "toilet train" you. I myself continue to wonder why it is that humans want to use the big porcelain drinking bowel to do their "duty" in, when there are plenty of trees outside! But as as an investigative journalist I must put aside my own prejudices in order to assist my readers! Benny filled me in on a few of the peculiarities that you felines share, as he is an authority having 2 of you at home.

- Cats are very moody and like to act snooty like my cousin Sonie. (Benny says he is pretty sure that they think they are better than dogs, if you can believe that!)

- Cats like to chase stuff, like birds and lizards and crickets and small rodents. (Well who the heck doesn't?)

- Cats like to play in paper bags and bat around pieces of paper, feathers and dust bunnies.
(This sounds dumb and I think that Benny is just pulling my paw.)

- Cats like to sleep, during the day, undisturbed for hours on the bed or a soft chair and when they wake up they like to jump up on the kitchen counter and look for left overs. (I guess they are not so dumb after all!)

- Cats will scratch your nose and hiss at you if you tell them that they have bad breath. (Unfortunately, I personally know this one to be true!)

Now that I have this list, I feel like an authority on cats!

So here is my feline advice to you !

1. Give Stewy lots of encouragement when he tries to jump up on the toilet. Say things like "You can do it Big Guy!" and "Way to go Stewmister". These cool nicknames will help build his confidence and make him want to try harder!

2. If he is successful while on the pot, give him a reward like a small toy or a grass hopper. Tell him "Well done, Stewsters" But refrain from patting him on the back when he is poised on the toilet seat as you might knock him in.

3. If he is overcome with fear and is refusing to jump up on the toilet, try to reason with him and in a calm voice say "Stewy your a cat, you have nine lives. If you fall in and get flushed you still have eight left!"

4. If all else fails get a dog! Benny swears that most dogs like "cat treat". Some dogs have even been heard to say it's better than candy or truffles!

I hope my advice will help you "cats" out. An actor who makes enough money to feed you ,with a pretty girlfriend and a new condo sounds like a fine life to me!

Best to you,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Dear Readers,

I need your assistance!

Please if you are reading this, take a moment and write in with a question.

I am here to help! But I need to know your needs in order to do so!

Thanks,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Need some advice on life? " Just Ask Brent"

email your questions to Brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

or Bigdane220@yahoo.com

"Just Ask Brent"

Dear Just Brent,

My dog Charlie loves to eat whatever food he can find on the kitchen counter tops. Banana bread, a half made peanut butter sandwich, left over take out, cookie dough, fruit, jello, anything that is mistakenly left out on the counter gets munched by our Charlie!
Can you please advise, as sometimes he gets to our dinner fix-ings before we do!
Thank You,
Sharon (owner of) "Good Time Charlie" standard poodle age 3 1/2 years.

Dear Good Time Charlie's owner/significant human,
What your boy Charlie is doing here is the classic "Humane dietary intervention maneuver". As a responsible member of the family we canines often find it necessary to intervene when we take notice of possible weight gain occurring in our humans. When ever I see that The Old Lady's posterior is expanding, I make a mental note to start a daily caloric count for her. Then when I see she is over her ideal total caloric intake for the day I remove those extra unbecoming calories from her reach by selflessly digesting them before she can get to them. My sister Lolli, had to take out a whole lemon meringue pie one time to protect her family from caloric overload! I must admit though that I am both surprised and impressed, that your boy Charlie is willing to eat a P&J sandwich for you! As I know from Bridget the Poodle who lives across the street, Poodles have a very sophisticated palate and let's face it peanut butter and jelly is on the low end of the culinary scale. You are a lucky woman Sharon. Your boy Charlie is a keeper by golly!

Here is my advice to you:

1. Eat out more often! You deserve it! But when you are eating out, only consume 1/2 of your meal. Then put the left overs in a container/doggie bag and bring them home. At midnight when you think "hmmmm, that left over Chicken Alfredo would taste pretty good right now" get up and take the left overs out of the fridge, placing them on the counter. At this point call Charlie into the kitchen saying "Hey Charlie, do you think I should finish off those delicious left overs?" Do a 180 degree turn allowing Charlie to get a true front and back profile of you in your jamming jammies/PJ's. At this point your intuitive canine will know if you are in any position to finish off that delightful mix of flavors which have now reached their climatic high point in that styrofoam box or if he needs to intervene.

2. Put those caloric starved dog biscuits on the counter with in your easy reach. They are not only packed full of nutrition but they are also appetite suppressing and tasteless as you can ask any dog! We only eat them to make our humans feel better about themselves and their snack selection capabilities but most any of us would be willing to share them with our humans on any given day. So when the craving hits you to munch out, simply take those caloric filled delicacies out of your refrigerator and put them up on the counter within Charlie's reach and then you dive into those dog biscuits! Go ahead and eat em'up, Charlie won't mind a bit!

3. Do not try any of those home remedies for "counter surfing" (which in it's self is a despicable term)! Mouse traps, sticky tape, and alarms on the counter top end up being an embarrassment for both the dog and their humans. Just try to embrace the fact that your dog is willing to eat just about anything for the benefit of your well being!


Remember Dear Readers, your dog is there not only as your friend but as your protector. As small pups we are instructed by our mothers on the need to protect our human family from the evils that lurk at the borders of our property line and to assist them in the "battle of the bulge".

I can not tell you how many times I have witnessed The Old Lady struggling to get into a pair of summer carpi's and heard my Mom Biscuit's voice in my head saying "Ingest and protect that is our canine duty!" At which point I hurry myself downstairs and check out the counter for any offensive caloric culprits! Does The Old Lady ever appreciate my protective actions? Heck no!
I usually end up in a time out in my crate/jail. But I do it with a spring in my step and a song in my heart for I know I have done my canine duty!

My best to you,

Brent the Boy Boxer Dog

Need some advice on life? "Just Ask Brent "
emails questions to brenttheboyboxerdog@gmail.com

Brent and the Pin Cushion

Hey Girls, It's Me Brent!

Okay, so what fun loving, slightly masochistic human decided to camouflage a pin cushion as an edible piece of fruit? (and yes tomatoes are a fruit). I mean really how do you expect man's best friend to know the difference?

Actually, I blame The Old Lady for the whole mess. She is the one who purchased said "pin cushion" and she's the one who chose to fill it full of straight pins. And she is also the one who left it in the middle of the dining room table in plain view when one is standing up right on their hind legs looking for a possible snack.

Of course I thought I had made the discovery of the century when I first started munching on it. I found it to have a mild tangy flavor with an earthy/saw dusty after taste which I quite enjoyed. It was the sharpness of the munch that I found distracting. After a few bites I realized that this rare fruit appeared to have thorns that were really sharp! As I spit out the remains of the disagreeable herbaceous, The Old Lady spied me from the kitchen and screeched out a few profanities as she approached me.

"Oh no Brent! What have you done?" she said this in a low foreboding tone when she reached me. Once again I questioned The Old Girl's vision. Wasn't it obvious that I was trying to have a nutritional snack only to discover that it was a fraudulent fruit and too painful to fully ingest? Without so much as a polite "Do you mind if I dislocate your jaw?" The Old Lady bent down grabbed my mug and pried it opened. After a quick visual she stood up and announced, "Well you've done it once again Brent!" At this point I wasn't quite sure what it was that I had done again. But I was pretty sure it wasn't pleasing to The Old Lady, 'cause if looks could kill, I'd be extinct right now!

Fifteen minutes later when we pulled up in front of The Old Man's Veterinarian Hospital I knew I was in deep doo! After The Old Girl explained my current situation to The Old Man, I was handed over to Sherrie who takes the X-Rays. I've always liked Sherrie she smells like vanilla and likes to give me cookies when I visit the office and calls me her "cutie boy".
After I was X-Rayed from head to toe (at The Old Lady's insistence)I was allowed to roam around the back room. I am allowed to do this when I visit as I have been deemed not to be a threat to most anything. I was enjoying the cookie that Sherrie had given me when I noticed that a door to an exam room had been left slightly ajar. I immediately went into my P.I. mode
(and yes, I do enjoy re-runs of Magnum P.I. late at night with my Mom Biscuit and The Old Lady).

As I stuck my snout into sniff the air, I noticed an older woman standing next to the exam table. Since my canine vision isn't the best, I thought it might be The Old Girl for a moment. But then I noticed that she was very fashionably dressed so I knew it couldn't be The Old Lady!
The woman was being very gentle as she quietly stroked the dog who was stretched out on the exam table. The dog appeared to be a brindle Boxer like me, except his mug was very grey and he didn't look like he wanted to play. He just laid there, very still with his eyes closed, as the woman bent down and whispered in his ear. I couldn't hear all of her words but I did hear, "love you", "friend" and "always". As the woman stood up she noticed me in the doorway. "Hello boy" she said softly.

Well being me I took this as an invitation to come on in, which of course I did. She smiled at me and patted me on the head. As I looked up into her face I saw that her eyes were watering so I licked her hand to let her know that "it was going to be okay". We just stood there for a moment when I heard Sherrie calling for me. The woman smiled again and said "You'd better go boy, they're looking for you." I wagged my tail good-bye and went off to find Sherrie and possibly another cookie.

When I found Sherrie she was standing with The Old Lady and The Old Man looking over my X-Rays. "Well he's pin free" The Old man announced. The Old Lady gave a sigh of relief and after thanking everyone she unceremoniously dragged me off to the car.
As I was being secured into my harness/seat belt I saw the older woman getting into a car.
She did not have her dog with her and her face looked very sad. I barked to her and when she saw me she smiled at me in recognition. I tried to say more, but The Old Lady told me to "Stop barking!" So I just smiled at the woman as we drove away.

Now I know some people don't believe that dogs can smile. The Old Man says it's just silly to think that a dog who has their mouth opened, with their jowls pulled up in a grin like position, is doing anything more than panting . But just like The Old Lady, The Old Man is only human and thus misses out on a lot of the canine subtleties in life. It's true you do have to look very carefully and be a bit open minded to see it. But we dogs do have a sense of humor and we can often be found having a good chortle over something some silly human has done. We honestly can't help ourselves as humans are a very funny species. We just try not to be rude about it!

When The Old Lady and I arrived back home, The Old Girl decided I needed to be in a time out for my transgressions. So I was put into my crate/jail. I really didn't mind though as I was quite tired and a snooze sounded pretty good to me. The other dogs were already napping except for my Mom Biscuit and the big dog Doc .

"Well kid", the big dog Doc asked after The Old Lady left the room, "What did they find?" I was a bit flustered at his asking about my health as he doesn't usually say much to me, unless it's to tell me not to be doing something that's bugging him. I told him about my X-rays and how I had been deemed "Pin free" by The Old Man.
The big dog chuckled to himself as he turned over and whispered under his breath "Diagnosis D.D. huh kid?"

I was about to ask my Mom Biscuit, what he was talking about when I remembered the fashionably dressed older woman at The Old Man's office and her grey muzzled Boxer dog.
I asked my Mom what she thought was wrong with the him and why he laid there so quietly.
My Mom took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. She turned toward me and her voice got real low as she began to tell me about the special bargain that is made between a human and their dog. She told me, it's usually decided upon early on in their relationship and is re affirmed as their relationship grows and the dog matures.
"You see Brentenious, (that's her nickname for me when she talks to me about important dog stuff) as dogs we are expected to offer unconditional love to our humans. We are to be there for them no matter what and show our devotion to them when they need us the most. In return we expect them to be there for us at the end of our canine years when we need them the most. It is at this time, that our humans are able to show how much they appreciate and love us through taking our pain away and allowing us to go forward without them. It is a great honor to be in the presence of a grey muzzled dog Brentenious and you must always show your respect for one when you see them.

"But why was the woman so sad and where was the grey muzzled dog going to without her?" I asked.
"I'm not sure where we go to after we leave our humans and I'm not sure that we need to know. What I do know is that taking someones pain away is a wonderful gift. Not that I need or want that gift right now. But it does give me a sense of peace to know it will be there for me when I need it." With that my Mom Biscuit stretched out and closed her eyes and then continued. "As far as the woman being sad Brentenious, that just means that the grey muzzled dog was a very special dog. She was a lucky lady to have had such a dog and she knew it!"

After a few moments I whispered, "Mom are you asleep?"
"No, but I'm trying to be Brent" she answered.
"Mom, what does "diagnosis D.D." mean?" I asked her.
"It means, diagnosis dumb dog." There was a moment of silence and then she added, "Don't let Doc fool you Brent. He knows the term because that's what they called him at the vet's office after he ate his second tomato pin cushion as a young dog."

With that the big dog Doc stood up in his crate/jail and stated crossly to my Mom, "You just had to tell him, didn't you Biscuit?"
"Oh Doc, where's your sense of D.D. humor?" she asked him and then started laughing.
Man oh man my Mom is so funny and there is no better sound than that of my Moms laughter at the end of a very long and sticky day! She definitely has a sharp sense of humor!

Well keep smiling ladies and do put those pin cushions where your canine friends CAN"T FIND THEM!

Best to you,
Brent the boy Boxer Dog